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Abusive, Alcoholic Father

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My dad drinks alot. hes an alcoholic. he says that hes not because he doesent drink everyday but the difference s if he could afford to he would. when he goes out he can drink at least 8/10 pints.when he is drunk he becomes abusive and violent. He verbally abuses my mother everyday and smashes things up in the house. He has often hit me when i was young. He gave me a black eye when i was just 12. hes spilt my lip open and left me with plenty of brusies. Hes locked me in the shed up the garden too when i was young because i would wet my bed and this was his way of punishing me. He DISTROYED my childhood. I am no longer living at home now but im still living with this problem. Hes making my life a misery and my mothers.My father is jealous of the relly close relationship i have with my mother. If i phone her or we meet for a chat he goes mad, asking my mother why is she with me. My father HATES me. Im not going over the top either. hes admitted it. I was in a bad car crash months ago, my mother came straight up to the hospital while my father just turned over in bed and slept. He didnt even phone to see if i was ok. This is really upseting me. I dont miss my dad( we havent spoken ina few weeks) but i am so worried about my mother. This is affecting her health and mine too. I dont want to be here anymore but dont want to leave my mother to face this situation on her own. My mother is everything to me. I really really dont know what to do anymore. I need help and so does my mother. HELP!!

This is a complicated situation. It may be difficult for your mother to leave your father. She might be frightened of him. He may have warned her about leaving. If she did leave, he might follow her and physically harm her. Despite the abuse, there may be a part of her that doesn’t want to leave. It is important to have a discussion with her about the possibility of leaving.

If she is willing to leave, could she live with you? If she can’t live with you, there may be other family members with whom she could live. Domestic violence shelters may also be a possibility.

I am not familiar with Ireland’s mental health system or criminal justice system but you should explore your mother’s legal rights. Perhaps she could gain an order of protection (also known as a restraining order) against your father. In America, an order of protection attempts to prohibit an individual from engaging in abusive behavior toward another individual. If violated, the individual who refuses to comply with the order faces criminal charges.

Encourage your mother to call the police if your father physically assaults her. In America, if the police are called to the home during an abuse incident, the individual who has been identified as the abuser would be arrested. Consult a lawyer or local police officers to determine what other legal rights your mother has.

I hope that your mother is able to remove herself from this abusive situation. It may be difficult for her but she should still try. She is lucky to have a daughter who is willing to help. I wish you and she the best of luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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