From the U.S.: Hello, I”m 20 and I have high functioning autism. As the title suggests, I’m scared about my future. It started where I violently assaulted my special Ed teacher and been sent to probation. It was at this time where I knew I have to fix myself or I could go to jail.
Needless to say, I feel like I can’t do it. I’m always fighting with everyone in my family because some way or another I either get blamed for something, Getting angry at the littlest things, or they just to aggravate me. My response so far is to intimate them, or swear at them. Which leads me to my most recent altercations.
My brother, at the age of 10 was teasing me to no end, and every time I ask him to stop, he just mocks me. Finally, I had enough and grabbed his shirt and pinned him to the wall, demanding him to stop. I was angry at the time, so I know I didn’t realize my own strength, because after arguing with my family after the whole thing, she told me he had this red mark on the back of his head. She keeps calling me a psycho and crazy, saying I love hurting people and insulting me.
Now I feel like I’m being targeted by my family, they want me gone and they even said that Outloud. They are purposely trying to get me angry so I can slip up. I don’t know what to do anymore… Should I live on my own? I don’t have a job right now to support myself. Should I kill myself? I value my own life to do that, and I’m honestly not giving them the satisfaction.
To be truthful, I want to hurt them, to destroy the family I was raised in, but I also don’t want that as I would just prove their points and I would go to jail. I’m lost here, I don’t know what to do. I want my life to have some sort of meaning, but how can I do that without the support of my family now?
I’m trying to change my ways, I really am. I just don’t know who to go now. the only person I feel like he somewhat understands me is my dad. What should I do at this point? I’ll take any advice.
You can’t do this alone. I’m surprised and alarmed that no one has helped you find a therapist or support group. People with autism often are easily over-stimulated and over-whelmed. Sometimes this leads to over-reactions. Knowing how to regulate your emotions, soothe yourself and handle conflict is essential if you are to be successful living and working on your own.
In your state, young people with special needs are eligible for support from the public schools until age 22. If you have not graduated, you may still be able to get some help there. If you did graduate, you need to find community support. When I did an internet search, I found this agency in your geographical area: http://www.tillinc.org/autism_support.html. That may be a place to start.
You are obviously intelligent and thoughtful. You owe it to yourself to put that intelligence to work. Find the help you need so that you can get along with others and function fully and happily in the world.
I wish you well.