Hi.. Im abby.. I have been like this since i was 10.. now it seems it just gets worse. every night before i go to bed i pretty much cry. I hate myself.. and i dont have areason to .. i mean theres people that dont have anything and are stronger than me.. im just weak.. and worthless.. i want to be skinny and beauiful and to fall in love. thats all i ever wish for.. i cut every once in while.. i try not to eat but if i do i will throw it up.. i started all the eatting problems and cutting at the age 14.. and i have no one to talk to about it without yelling at me. they tell me its wrong.. i know it is but i hate myself that im not careing.. I just dont know anymore.
Hello Abby. It is difficult to feel as though you have no one to turn to for comfort, direction or advice. You are engaging in self-destructive behavior, including cutting and forcing yourself to vomit. It is important to understand that these behaviors are dangerous. Cutting is dangerous for obvious reasons and the vomiting causes significant physical damage to your body. Intervention is necessary.
I’m not certain about how much of this information you have relayed to your parents but I would urge you to speak with them. If face-to-face communication is difficult for you, then write them a letter describing your feelings. If you choose that option, be very detailed and honest.
If a letter does not prompt your parents to get you the help that you need, then consider approaching other family members. Is there anyone in your family who you would feel comfortable speaking to? If so, go to them to discuss your problem. If you would be uncomfortable speaking to them, give them a letter about how you are feeling.
Another way to gain help with this problem is to speak to someone at your church, synagogue, or a parent of a friend. It is possible that someone could speak to your parents for you. This might be one way to ensure that your parents take your concerns seriously.
In the meantime, I would encourage you to surround yourself with individuals who are supportive. Try not to be alone. Have someone to communicate with when you feel depressed. I would also encourage you to join a support group, if possible and to begin journaling. Journaling is a great strategy that many people find helpful in relieving psychological distress. It also helps to clarify your feelings and that may serve to decrease self-injurious behavior.
Your primary goal at this point is to make those around you aware of what you are experiencing. That is the first step to getting the help that you both deserve and desire. Don’t continue to suffer in silence. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle