I had looked over the characteristics of one on a website before I had even thought about myself potentially being a narcissist because I was and still am very interested in psychology. And as I was reading, I was relating to the symptoms.
I am extremely scared of getting criticism, I even tend to avoid social situations to avoid potential rejection of people (some people would even describe me as sensitive), I always think I’m right and people are just not seeing how I am right, I love how I look, I just tend to think people are blind to my good looks, I tend to spread my opinion when nobody really cares to hear it, I will complain about my horrible day but not care about someone else’s day, I get really defensive at the slightest criticism and feel physical pain in my chest when I get criticized, if I do something I know could get me in trouble with my parents, I think of an excuse to say in case I get confronted by them to get myself out of trouble, I do lie to get my way, I often say “If I were never successful in my life, I would be very depressed.” People tell me not to focus on getting a job for the money or success, but I am so obsessed with money, fame, and success. If I make myself
all pretty to go out and nobody notices it, I get mad, but I won’t express it. All of these things that I am telling you, I’ll think them, but I will never express it.
Also, I tend to say things that sound fine to me when it comes out of my mouth, but to other people it sounds rude, nasty, or spiteful.
But I’m confused because if I like someone’s hair, I’ll tell them that I like their hair and I feel like a narcissist wouldn’t do that but yet again, I don’t know that much about narcissists. I’m nice on the outside to people at school but then my parents will get all of my bad behavior.
I’ve thought I could have got it from my Grandma, who is narcissistic, who I have lived with for so long with my Grandpa, Mother, and Father.
It is a brave thing to open yourself up to feedback here and I think everything you are talking about has more to do with you being fifteen years old than a personality disorder. As a teenager, you will be more egocentric than what will typically be true for you later in life. It is a very well-established fact that adolescent egocentrism is part of the developmental process and it is a necessary stage in development. According to adolescent psychologists, it may actually have a lot to do with future healthy psychological growth.
It is natural to think about the things you are thinking of- for the most part. The parts of your character that you’ll want to be more mindful of try to change are those parts that lie to get what you want and thinking you are always right. These are common character flaws that will not serve you well as you mature. Struggle to be more honest with yourself and others—and listen more to what others have to say. This will help keep you more balanced as you mature.
Wishing you patience and peace,