Home Anxiety Am I Avoiding People or Do I Just Like Being Alone?

Am I Avoiding People or Do I Just Like Being Alone?

It’s like that I always being alone everywhere. I’m comfortable with being alone. In school or going to some places, it’s really okay for me to be alone. Some people in school sees me weird for it, but I think it’s them who always need accompany just to go to toilet or canteen while they can do it their self. I have two best friends and don’t like to be in group.

I avoid those people who talk so loud and cant control their laugh. My interest aren’t the same like any other girls. I don’t like gossiping or talking about make up or love life. Yet, I like games, comics, breaking the rules, and I draw a lot. I don’t want to pretend I like their interest just so I can talk with them. I like being who I am and they see me weird for it. I turned down guys who flirted with me indirectly like three times because I don’t know what topic should I say.

When I was a kid, I’m a shy and quiet girl but gets talkative with my close friends. But, I turned really quiet when I’m a junior in middle school because my friends and someone who I think my best friend avoided me. Middle school was the worst time for my relationship with people. I ruined many of it and got avoided by my classmates twice. I’m starting to think my like of being alone because of that, plus my mother passed away and I was really close with her and one year later my dad married again.

Lately, I began to love being alone in my world and don’t like to talk to someone. I love being in my world with my imagination and it bothers me when someone start talking to me because I don’t know what should I say, I’m not good at making joke and I really often miss pronounce words and speak with low voice. Lately, I also feel empty and often daydreaming. Am I avoiding people or love to be alone? Because it really sucks to know people sees me weird for it. (From Indonesia)


A:  I really appreciate the way you have articulated this question. There’s a fine line between needing alone time and avoiding people. Susan Kane has written about this in her book Quiet. I recognize that being alone has commend this value many people and groups, and group interaction me be counterproductive for them. Susan Cain writes about this with clarity. Being shy or quite isn’t a disease — but systematically avoiding new or challenging situations isn’t healthy. Give yourself a goal of trying something new — talking to someone new once a week. Challenge yourself regularly as it will help you grow — but watch Susan’s Ted Talk for more insight into embracing your quiet nature. You will need to balance both as you move forward.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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