When I was younger (middle school aged), I had what I think were hallucinations. I tried to tell my grandmother about them but she told me it ‘was the devil’ and that I should never tell people about it. So I didn’t. It happened three times and never again. Last year, I started believing crazy things such as thinking I was the Second Coming and could move things with my mind. I actually stared at objects trying to make them move and had a conversation with the sky (God?) asking why my powers weren’t activated yet. I sometimes think people can read my mind. I’m depressed, and have major anxiety issues… To the point that its hard for me to leave the house long enough just to get the mail.
I also lost all my friends and most of my family because I had an episode where I was overly happy and made horrible impulse decisions. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t think the way I did and why they were so upset… Long story short, I ended up in a cop car and moved in with a distant relative that I barely knew.
I sometimes have thoughts where I want to hurt people/things like my Nana’s dog. I tried to smother her last month just to see what it felt like. I’m confused about myself and am going to see a therapist in a few weeks about this but I’m nervous and wanted to get an opinion before I go. What could possibly be wrong with me? Even if it could be more than one thing, I’d just really like an opinion on the possibilities.
It is good that you have decided to seek professional help. Having an in-person evaluation by a mental health professional is typically how a diagnosis is determined. Diagnosis via the Internet is difficult, given the lack of personal details and psychosocial history. Based on the information provided, there are several possible explanations for what might be wrong but please remember that I have limited information.
Hallucinations and delusions are associated with psychotic disorders. Psychotic disorders include schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, psychotic disorder not otherwise specified (NOS), bipolar disorder, and several others. You stated that you had hallucinations but have never had them again. With regard to delusions, it is unclear if you currently have them or if they were something that only occurred years ago.
Having a history of hallucinations and delusions does not mean that you have a psychotic disorder but it does increase the likelihood. Whether or not you have a psychotic disorder depends on if you currently are experiencing symptoms of psychosis, how often those symptoms occur and their level of severity. Bipolar disorder may be the most likely possibility given your current symptoms which include (as you described them): being overly happy and making impulsive decisions which led to your involvement with law enforcement. Again, given the fact that I have limited psychosocial and personal information, a potential diagnosis of bipolar disorder can only be considered speculative.
Seeking professional mental health treatment is the wisest approach to addressing your psychological problems. When meeting with the mental health professional, inquire about the possibility of medication. Medication could significantly reduce your symptoms and improve your overall mood and emotional stability. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle