Hello Doctor, ill try to make this breif: my lifestyle: i go to work from 8 am till 6 pm, when i get back home, i do some compulsive behaviours, then spend the rest of the night getting high on cannabis or alcohol while watching Star Trek (obssesivly). medications: i am on anti depression and anti psychotic medications.
My Problem: since the last 10 years i was hiding my pain and hold a mask over my face to make people happy, but now i had it. i can no longer hold the true nature of my situation, which is: i donnt want a job, i dont want freinds, i want to be left alone, i dont want human interaction, i feel its unreal, i only feel real when im by myself, in my room, watch “Star Trek”, i told my doctor that people have noticed odd behaviours from me, i used to hold these behavoiurs, but now they control me, i imagine a situation in my head, and then i try avoiding it, somtimes i yell, somtimes i talk to myself, i dont control it anymore. i had 5 failed engagements!! i couldnt take the pain, so i found a way to block pain, and now, i cant feel anything. my faimly are devastated, i cant control my cannabis use, if i did, i would jump to alcohol, and if i stopped drinking, i restart smoking cannabis. my doctor says that im bipolar, i disagree. every job i get, i get fired, because i cant keep up, i try to avoid talking to people all the time. all i want to do is be alone with my thoughts and fantasies. am i making any sense.
You asked whether you are psychotic. Not feeling that human interaction is real may be a sign of psychosis. You also mentioned that you engage in “odd behaviors.” Since you did not elaborate on those problems, I don’t have enough information to provide a definitive answer about your being psychotic.
What further complicates your situation is your drug and alcohol use. Your symptoms may be a direct result of your substance abuse. The only way to verify if your symptoms are being affected by your drug use would be to stop using drugs. The main problem is that you feel as though you can’t stop which may mean that you have an addiction.
Your doctor diagnosed you with bipolar disorder. What’s encouraging is that you have been evaluated by a doctor. I would recommend reporting all of your symptoms to your doctor, including the fact that you are using drugs and alcohol. Many people might try to conceal that information from their doctor but your doctor should know. It could help to identify what may be wrong.
At this point in time, you are unhappy and are not functioning well. As you said, using drugs is your way of avoiding dealing with your problems but it is only making them worse. Your symptoms are concerning and should be treated. The correct way to handle this situation is to get help. Speak to your doctor and report your drug use. He or she can refer you to the proper mental health professionals. The longer you wait, the worse your symptoms will likely become. Act now. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle