From the U.S.: Okay. I always make everything about me. I always have a explanation for everything. For an example, I can think of every possible way to get out of an issue. I can come up with an explanation of what I said or what I did. I don’t know why. I can sit and conspire with my own thoughts for hours. Thinking of why is this happening or why is that happening. I become consumed by guilt or anxiety and I become irrational. I think of hurting others or myself. I can think of ways to do it with or without getting caught. I can think about a person all day or a memory and just become so angry and I start thinking of ways to hurt or kill someone.
I’ve been told that I am a psychopath and that I was a piece a shit. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m tired of feeling guilty or sorry for something. I can become a very toxic person and I don’t know why. My ex thinks that my mom fucked me up in the head. We no longer talk. Me my ex or mom. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I always feel guilt in my gut. My mind constantly races with thoughts. I always feel uneasy. I’m just tired of these feelings. Becoming numb requires death or xanax. Or alcohol. Please advise.
All the “solutions” you suggest (death, drugs, alcohol) are just dumb. Sorry. But it’s true. You have a real problem that needs a real solution, not avoidance or escape. You know you have a significant problem getting along in the world. You have a creative and active mind but instead of using it to help you be successful, you are upsetting yourself and and separating yourself from others.
You know what you need. I don’t know why you haven’t done it. See a therapist! Get to the bottom of these distressing thoughts and feelings and learn new, more positive, and more helpful ways of thinking and being. Medication may be part of the treatment plan, but only a part. You need to do some serious therapeutic work. Take your letter to us with you to the first session and it will jump-start the process.
Please make that appointment. This is such a hard way to live. You deserve to have a better life.
I wish you well.