Home Personality Am I Schizotypal?

Am I Schizotypal?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I like to over dose on mercyndol or other panadoles for no reason other then the excitement of.. im not quite sure but I like to overdose.

I go through stages where I eat crap all and when I do eat I vomit it back up, lasts for a few weeks. P.S I have been messed up before the bulimic episodes ever occurred so don’t try blame that.

I think I might be schitzotypal.

I get so frustrated and angry sometimes wishing I could have some Jim beam and coke, I hardly ever drink socially I much prefer to drink alone, I like to suffer and dwell in my problems going into a depressed ‘feel sorry, delve deeply into myself and what might be wrong with me’ stupor, I feel like im different and think im not like normal people

I can’t do anything I wouldn’t do in public when im alone, I feel like im being watched all the time, not by ghosts but by people I admire, like John Lennon, I had to take down all the posters and pictures in my room because I talked to them, I cant explain it but I know they aren’t really seeing me or hearing me but yet I strongly believe- nein I know they can, they can!

Now there all off my wall, I left the posters where they aren’t looking at me up but now I fell they are listening to me, and I still talk to them, I don’t expect a reply, I know they wont, but I like to talk about myself and my day to them, I also make comments about things on TV radio.. Etc out loud knowing they are listening.

Sometimes when im out in public I look at someone and talk to them in my mind cause im half certain they can hear me and they are like me ‘magic’ im like “I know you can hear me..” etc, sometimes I fear people are listening to my thoughts, and when I feel like they are I cant stop shouting disgusting things I cant control my thoughts, all my deep dark secrets are being shown I picture them vividly and I cringe knowing someone out there is seeing all of it and is disgusted

I think of the craziest stuff. That is too out there to even explain, none of it is violent or anything, just very trippy, like im on lsd. I don’t see anything I imagine it up or go off into my own world content for hours.

Sometimes I cry for barely any reason, I take criticism very very personally and often cry, I hate to show things get to me so I always hide away and cry. I love my cat too much he means the world to me, I fear for my mental health when he dies, I know I wont ever get over his death, I don’t take things normally like most people, like for example. People say time heals everything, I dated a guy I liked a year ago for only 3 months, I dumped him and I still think about him all the time. That’s not normal, my reactions to things are not normal, there fore I know I will be F***ed when my cat dies.

My past is very messed up, I have such a disgusting secret I will never reveal, I would rather die, it haunts me.

i sometimes, its rare but it happens, I fear for my sanity, I feel like im going to lose someone or something very close to me and I start to feel really scared. It’s not as full on as an anxiety attack but I go a bit loopy.

None of this is for attention, I enjoy being crazy sometimes. I am very good at hiding all of this no one knows about my problems, and they never will, I feel sick when my parents worry about me, it makes me feel sick, saying I love you and hugging- showing affection makes me feel sick too. Even to family. My families good to me btw, we are all quite close 

I have little things I have to do too like some type of mild ocd. If my TV clicks I fear the ring girl will come out of it, so I have to look at it, no matter how comfy I am and wait till a person walks past or something on screen, I have to otherwise I fear I will regret not doing so. I have to lock my toilet door before I close it, if I don’t people can see me going toilet , by locking my door then closing im blocking their view magically from seeing me. There’s a few more but there the major ones.

Help. Oh btw I have a secret email address cause im too paranoid someone will see this and figure out who it is.

I can’t diagnose you as schizotypal over the Internet but you do meet many of the diagnostic criteria for the disorder or for schizophrenia. You may also meet the criteria for depression, obsessive compulsive disorder or other anxiety disorders. While I can’t identify your specific condition it’s easy to see that you need help. Your symptoms are serious and they need treated. Without treatment, you are at increased risk for the development of related disorders such as schizophrenia, delusional disorder, brief psychotic disorder and other personality disorders.

Practically speaking, your symptoms are severely disrupting your life. You believe that people are spying on you. You think they are stealing and controlling your thoughts. You cry for no reason. You can’t eat, sleep or have a “normal” day without your symptoms interrupting your life. Nothing you wrote about your experiences is “normal” or healthy.

The other serious concern is the fact that you are abusing pain medication. You said you overdose for “excitement.” Are you aware of the extreme danger of overdosing for “excitement?” You could easily take too many pain pills and accidently die. Maybe that is your intention. The pain medicine may also affect your symptoms. Depending on when the drug use began and the frequency in which you engage in your overdosing behavior it may be the source of your symptoms. At the very least, there is a chance that the abuse of pain medicine contributes to your paranoia and delusions.

I would strongly advise you to consider seeking professional help. These are not symptoms that should go untreated. They could escalate and possibly lead to a serious mental illness. You are young and with treatment you can stop these symptoms from worsening. It could greatly lessen their impact and possibly even eliminate them. What you should not do is to ignore your symptoms and hope they will go away. You are very likely to be helped if you are willing and open to seeking treatment.

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