Home Anger Management Angry at Least Once a Day

Angry at Least Once a Day

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hey, I’m only 23 years old and I feel like I’m having a mid-life crisis. I don’t take any meds or hormones, don’t drink coffee, don’t eat sugar, get plenty of sleep (10 hours average), am not over worked, live a very low-stress life style, eat organic, go hiking at least few times a month and smaller walks more frequently, and have a very patient boyfriend of 3 years. The thing is I have very little sexual drive, except when I’m on my period, have no inspiration or creativity(I used to be very artistic), and almost every day, no matter what part of my cycle I’m in, I have at least one angry melt down where something went wrong(like trying to flip an egg and it doesn’t flip right and the yolk breaks) and sometimes it happens multiple times a day. I actually avoid cooking eggs now because I suck at flipping them. These melt-downs rarely end in tears though. I just get really really mad and I feel my temperature rise. I kind of wish I could cry more actually, and I’m wondering if hard drug use in my teenage years has affected me, and is still affecting me 5 years later. I still have happy moments through-out the day. My days are just very up and down. I feel like I have no passion left except for anger and random ideas that I’ll never actually get around to or finish. I do notice the day before my period I have an ultra-meltdown that keeps getting worse. This last time I beat up my bed and tore everything out of my closet, scattering around the room. You know, I think I actually felt better when I was smoking and drinking coffee because now I’m completely sober, I’m fully aware of what’s going on in the world and I’m mad at the whole world. I feel the pain of the whole world and the Earth and I’d rather just hide in a cave with a bunch of pillows and blankets.

Anyway, I’m just wondering what the hell is going on. I feel like I’m doing everything “right” and I still am very angry and freak out on a daily basis. I sometimes feel like I don’t know who I am as a woman, that I am not “womanly” probably because of what I see in the media(I don’t have TV and only recently got internet for the first time in 5 years). I don’t wear any make-up, no jewelry and I don’t shave. I do wear semi-feminine clothing though. Also I don’t have many friends because I live 8 miles off a crappy dirt road. Please help because I’m scaring my dog and my boyfriend.

Regarding your anger, you may be impatient. At its fundamental core, impatience is the inability to perceive reality clearly.

What’s most important is managing the emotional reaction that accompanies impatience. It’s irrational to be angry about something you can’t change. When you fully understand that fact, you will have healthier emotional reactions or no emotional reaction at all.

For instance, sitting in traffic is a time when many people experience impatience. Traffic is always irritating but especially so when you have to be somewhere at a certain time. No matter how angry you become, how long you sit there will not change. You will still have to sit in traffic for as long as it takes, not one second less.

Anger about a traffic jam is irrational and only serves to increase your stress level. A much healthier reaction would be tuning into your favorite radio station or news talk show or book on tape and enjoying the mandatory, inescapable delay.

No one’s happy to be stuck in traffic but it is one of the many things you have no power to change; don’t worry about the things you cannot change.

You might find the serenity prayer used in Alcoholics Anonymous quite instructional: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Regarding creativity and inspiration, your expectations might be unrealistic. Don’t wait for inspiration to do something you want to do. Just do it. In doing something creative, that, in and of itself, can be inspirational.

Your main issues seem to involve emotional instability and unrealistic expectations. These are correctable with counseling. A therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) would probably be most appropriate. The heart of CBT is examining the connection between thoughts, feelings and dysfunctional behaviors. It could help you a great deal. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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