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Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

I Think I’m Insane

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I think I’m going insane. My nightmares, my dreams, they’re so vivid, and they’re never natural, i dont feel like one person i swear I’m not alone, and they talk to me through my dreams, nobody understands me when i talk about them, i do rituals where i self harm and put the blood all over myself. I sit in the dark and twitch and i dont hear voices but I FEEL them, I FEEL them inside me, i feel different from everyone else, I dont know what is wrong with me. I swear I’m going crazy. I hurt myself and then after I realize what I’ve done and i cry. I cry during i do it and whisper to myself. My dreams are so impacting they determine my mental state throughout my day. They are so real like, I feel panicked throughout the day. This isnt like the nightmare disorders I’ve read about. I love them even though they’re so detrimental to me. I cant let go of my past. Please help, I dont know whats wrong with me.

I’m sorry this is happening to you. Please don’t assume that you are “insane.” You might be describing a sleep disorder or a related condition. Typically, individuals with nightmare disorders describe similar symptoms. Their dreams are frightening and feel very real. Often the dreams involve threats to their survival, or some other related serious life-threatening scenario.

It’s important to consult your primary care physician about this matter. They will evaluate your symptoms and determine if you’re a candidate for a sleep study. Sleep studies allow for the proper diagnosis of a sleep disorder. They are typically done in comfortable rooms with trained professionals monitoring various elements of your sleeping patterns. I hope this helps you know how to proceed. Good luck and please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Can You Inherit Mental Illness?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I was diagnosed with schizoaffective at 15. I am 21 now. Though I had psychotic features diagnosed before that age. Im trying to figure out my past for my diagnosis.

My mother, I do not know if she has a diagnosis of anything but I strongly doubt she doesn’t. She has a history of from teenage years for being reckless, promiscuous, using illegal substances, etc. Also has many times kind of seemed psychotic in my lifetime. I highly doubt that was the only times in her life. Her beliefs are very strong in the paranormal ideas; past lives, ghosts, psychic things, a lot of other stuff like that. She devotes much of her time to reading and watching and sometimes practicing weird stuff regarding paranormal things. She tells me weird things since I was a child. For example, I said I was scared recently about nightmares from a past hospital stay and she told me I need to be careful because my situation was like how prisoners of war were kept and tortured against their will and they were locked up forever. Though she lies to me about her past and i find out from other family members. Theres been times i’ve heard of her past and experienced in my life where she’s been not functional enough to be ok. She scares me a lot and always has put fear in me from a young age.

My father is really functional and has gotten far in life. He is really intelligent. Though is very odd. He is semi-reclusive. Talks to himself sometimes but doesn’t hear voices or anything im sure. He is pretty religious. He also has beliefs that are kind of odd. Like about the end of the world. He is also not really trusting about the government. Well…severely not trusting. The only thing I truly believe he has is depression, from recent life issues though.

My question is, even though my parents aren’t diagnosed with anything psychotic, that I know of, at least my father. Genetically, is there any chance from what i’ve said I could have inherited something from them that has me schizoaffective, even though they aren’t diagnosed with anything psychotic…at least my father? My mother isn’t really truthful. She seems more like a bipolar or BPD type though. My diagnoses is a depressive subtype though. They both have some schizophrenic tendencies I believe.

It is possible that you inherited “schizophrenia tendencies” from your parents but I can’t answer that question with absolute certainty. What causes schizophrenia has yet to be determined. The prevailing theory is that schizophrenia is a brain disease. It is also believed, by many scientists and researchers, that stress and environment can play a major role in the development of schizophrenia.

Though the exact cause has not been pinpointed, it has been established that individuals who have relatives with schizophrenia have an increased risk for the development of the disorder. It is important to note that the increased risk is slight. Having a relative with the disease in no way guarantees that other family members will develop it. Again, the risk is slight and its development depends on many factors.

It is also important to note that even if your parents were never diagnosed with a particular mental health disorder, they could still be mentally ill. In fact, many people have undiagnosed mental health disorders.

What I find encouraging about your situation is your awareness of your symptoms and your willingness to seek treatment. Research shows that at least 50 percent of individuals with schizophrenia don’t know they have the illness and thus never seek treatment. It is that particular subgroup who typically has a worse prognosis. With treatment you can expect a good prognosis. Factors associated with a good prognosis include:

  • Being female
  • Awareness of illness
  • Willingness to seek treatment
  • Compliant with treatment
  • Having a strong support system
  • Having a good working relationship with your treatment team

Do not hesitate to write again if you have additional questions. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Boyfriend is Refusing Help

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My boyfriends 16 and this is what he told me today-

On occasion I have felt the total and full urge to kill people. Not just in fits of anger, but I have genuinely though out and considered it. I think I’m going insane. And that’s not me exaggerating, I genuinely feel that my mentality is slowly peeling away. My thoughts are getting less and less rational, my moods have started getting so jumpy it’s almost bipolar. And when I say moods, I don’t just mean happy and sad, I mean that I can go from ecstatic to horrible emptiness that makes me want to murder the closest person to me brutally with a blunt instrument, in the space of minutes. I’m worried that in a shorter time than I hoped I’ll become a danger to society. I can see the inside of my mind. I can physically will myself to see it.
Like a computer network, like cyberspace.
And I can switch things on and off.
It’s so hard to explain
But computer networks can get hacked, get viruses, and right now my mind is swimming with malware and trojans
And they’re just multiplying in my files

I dont know if this is anything to do with it, but he’s adopted, he feels his family hate him, he thinks his life is awful. I want to help him, but I don’t know what to do and he won’t get help.

Your boyfriend is not well. He’s clearly struggling and needs help. I’m not certain what your relationship is like with his parents but I would urge you to share this information with them as soon as possible.

What about your parents? Are they aware of the information that your boyfriend has shared with you? If not, then you should tell them.

You should also consider reporting this information to a local mental health crisis team or the police. Calling the police or a mental health crisis team will ensure that he receives immediate help. Emergency services will come to the home, evaluate his condition and determine if he needs treatment.

Take his threats seriously and report them immediately. He is not well, not thinking clearly, can’t control his behavior, and is in need of help. You may worry that he will be upset with you because you shared this information with others. He may feel as though it is a breach of trust but I would urge you to report it anyway. What’s most important is protecting his safety and the safety of others. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Anxious Cough

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Don’t know is this is the right place to ask but I’ve had a bad cough sporadically throughout the years. It only occurs when I’m having stressful or anxious thoughts. Mainly whenever I’m anxious is when it occurs. I have generally been someone who has had a lot of anxiety and since the last few weeks I’ve had some difficult personal situations to go through, I have had an increase of stress and anxiety. The cough came back the same time as this rather difficult time. At one point I do believe I had panic attacks a few years back with the cough. Was hard to tell since the cough seemed to mask the sensation of the panic attack but it seemed like it was for sure there. Now I don’t get that, but this time around I have headaches whenever the cough occurs. It doesn’t even really stay after the coughing stops. I would cough for a few minutes and the headache is usually coming and going with the cough. I’ve gone to the doctor several times for this and was tested for asthma, but that came back negative. More and more I’ve noticed it occurs during anxious times/thoughts so that is why I came here, to see if the reason behind it is more psychological.

You might try tracking your anxiety and coughing. It might shed light on whether or not there’s a connection or a pattern between the two. Anxiety tends to occur in response to specific behaviors or thoughts. It’s possible that the anxiety and the coughing have become classically or operantly conditioned over time. In that sense, it may be a psychological issue.

It would be advantageous to consult a specialist about this problem. It needs further investigation. Choose a specialist who treats anxiety disorders with behavioral treatments. Behavioral treatments tend to be systematic, rapid and very effective. It could help to break the connection between your anxiety and cough (if the two are connected). Treatment could help you immensely. Thank you for your question. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Friends Suddenly Hate Me

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

So I met my best friends in the world when I started college. I finally found a group of people I clicked with and it was all great last year.
This year however, every single one of them has switched on me.
They ignore me when they see me and walk right past me which is immature and hurtful.
The worst part of it is my best friend also hates me now. I met her to reconcile but it led nowhere, and she didn’t really tell me what I did to cause this change.

I’ve reached out to people but I get no response, and my college course is small, so this number of people disliking me is super hard to deal with, and makes college impossible every day
.
Being surrounded by people who don’t like you is in no way fun.

I miss my friends, I know I can’t force friendships, but I feel really alone right now.

The best that you can do is try to ignore them and find other friends. You should try engaging in other activities either at college or in the local surrounding community to keep you busy (when you’re not working on classwork). If you try the latter, you’ll likely meet other people with whom you can spend time.

You might also contact your university counseling center. Counseling could help you with the loneliness and perhaps attend group therapy sessions for support.

Perhaps you didn’t know these “friends” as well as you thought you did. That’s fairly common in these types of settings (school, work, etc.). It takes a long time to truly know someone, to understand the nature of their character and their ability to be a quality friend. Sincere friends wouldn’t “suddenly” hate you and stop talking to you.

Not everyone is who they appear to be. In life, it’s good to know who you can trust and who you cannot. It’s an important lesson to learn. Perhaps you trusted these individuals too easily, when you shouldn’t have done so. Counseling would be a good place to analyze why these friendships didn’t last and help you to choose more wisely in the future. Good luck and please take care.

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Difficulty Communicating & Processing Information

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

For years I’ve had trouble communicating with others. My use of language has always been overly literal and causes me to accidentally hurt the feelings of others. I might say something like “that’s irrelevant” meaning that a point a person made is irrelevant without remembering that it has negative emotional connotations attached to it. I have to remind myself to be mindful of how my words come across.

Additionally, I have some trouble receiving information. If someone strings together too many words in a sentence, I frequently have to repeat the sentence to myself 2 or 3 times and sit on every word before the full meaning settles. Even then, I frequently miss the point.

I’m working on a Ph.D in a mathematical discipline and, recently had a professor grilling me as an unexpected oral exam. I couldn’t figure out what it was he wanted from me until nearly two hours after I’d left his office and I thought about what his questions might have meant at length. This happens very frequently and usually during conversations where I don’t have a prepared response to a particular question, I have to sit and think very hard about what was asked.

I’d like to either learn to communicate better or deal with this, but I don’t know where to turn.

My assessment of your situation is that you may have an undiagnosed language disorder. Having a language disorder means the individual has difficulty comprehending written or spoken systems of communication. Characteristics of language disorders include using improper words, misunderstanding the meaning of words, having difficulty expressing ideas, using incorrect grammar patterns, having a limited vocabulary, and difficulty following directions. Individuals with language disorders often have difficulty trying to understand words and their meanings. They also have trouble getting others to understand what they are trying to say.

According to Psychology Today, a language disorder is defined as, “a communication disorder in which a person has persistent difficulties in learning and using various forms of language (i.e., spoken, written, sign language). Individuals with language disorder have language abilities that are significantly below those expected for their age, which limits the ability to communicate or effectively participate in many social, academic, or professional environments. Symptoms of language disorder first appear in the early developmental period when children begin to learn and use language. Language learning and use relies on both expressive and receptive skills. Expressive ability refers to the production of verbal or gestural signals, while receptive ability refers to the process of receiving and understanding language. Individuals with language disorder may have impairments in either their receptive or expressive abilities, or both. Overall, people with this condition have deficits in understanding and producing vocabulary, sentence structure, and discourse. Because people with language disorder typically have a limited understanding of vocabulary and grammar, they also have a limited capacity for engaging in conversation.”

To read more about language disorders in adults you may want to visit the websites listed below.

Adult Speech-Language -Hearing Association

Voices.com

About.com Expressive Language Disorders

I would recommend being evaluated by an audiologist or a speech and language pathologist (sometimes called speech therapists). Generally, speech and language therapy are the best treatments for language disorders. Psychotherapy may also be considered if an individual is having difficulty with social interaction. Social skills and speech training may also be helpful. Social skills can be taught by a psychotherapist or a mental health professional that specializes in teaching these skills. Here’s a link to help you find a local speech professional in your community.

I would also suggest visiting your university’s disability services office. They may be able to link you to a speech professional for an evaluation. The primary job of the disability services staff at universities is to assist students who need “reasonable accommodations” in the classroom. For instance, because of a possible disability you may require extra time to take an oral exam. Staff at the disability services office can usually assist with these accommodations.

I hope this information helps to guide you in the right direction. Thanks for writing. I wish you well.

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So, What’s Wrong with Me?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’d like a professional opinion before I decide if I should do something about it, please. I’ve never been to a therapist, because I find it impossible to trust anyone who’s control I am under.

I suspect that I might be sociopath, but I’ve read that sociopathy is caused by childhood abuse/neglect, and I was never abused/neglected in any way at all. I have extremely selective empathy, and no regard for others. I don’t see why I should care about anything that doesn’t concern me. However, I lack impulsivity and am unwilling to do anything even a little bit out of my comfort zone. I like watching videos of violence and death, I used to browse r/watchpeopledie on Reddit before it was taken down. I get a weird feeling from watching people die, it’s not anything sexual at all, just an exhilarating satisfaction in my soul, you could say.

I wouldn’t kill anyone, that I know for sure. Not because I find it morally repulsive, but because I’m much too afraid of the lawful consequences. I only care about myself and am extremely egoistical, but I don’t have the best opinion of myself. I’ve also felt the same satisfying exhilaration when thinking about committing suicide in a painless way.

I don’t think I’m really able to form emotional connections. I have friends, but I would have no problem cutting them off forever. I have never felt shame, I feel anger instead of shame, but I like to think that I’m good at hiding my emotions. I believe in moral nihilism and genuinely see no point in helping others. Humans are disgusting to me, I think about all the emotions that they feel and the things that they do and I feel just pure disgust and hatred. My childhood fantasies were all about me being some sort of Lovecraftian monster destroying the planet and killing humans.

As a child, was also constantly unwilling to take the blame for anything and have never had a problem with lying. I’ve also never felt guilt, and I’ve done a lot of emotional harm to others that would probably cause most people guilt. I don’t know, I’d like a professional opinion before deciding what to do. Just a quick “maybe” assumption diagnosis before I head off to a real-world actual therapist or something.

It might also be notable to mention that I’ve never been in any legal trouble.

You have the wrong ideas about therapy. Therapists don’t “control” people. Therapy is optional. The only people forced to go to therapy are those who have been court-ordered. The “control” in that situation is through the court, not the therapist.

People attend counseling for a variety of reasons, some of which include analyzing their thinking processes, decision making, stopping a particular behavior, and gaining clarity about their life in general, and others. Wanting clarification about a particular diagnosis is another good reason to consult a mental health professional.

You asked about sociopathy. The term is often confused with psychopathy. Among those who study psychopathy, they doubt whether sociopathy exists. Among clinicians in America, an individual who demonstrates traits of psychopathy would be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy share overlapping traits but there are meaningful differences between the two.

Though you did provide many details in your letter, it’s impossible to make a diagnosis over the internet. For instance, when you say that you have “extremely selective empathy” what exactly do you mean? What does “extremely selective” mean to you? It may mean one thing to you and something different to me. How you define it, and in what context, are important elements in determining a diagnosis.

There are alternative explanations for your behavior. For instance, you said that you watch death videos. That is not uncommon. Take for instance the Christchurch mosque shootings in New Zealand, in which the killer live streamed the event. In the first 24 hours, Facebook publicly stated that they moved 1.5 million videos of the attack globally. That over 1.5 million people wanted to watch a video of a man shooting innocent people in a church speaks volumes. Even the people who were advising others not to watch it, watched it themselves. They were apparently curious.

The New York Times recently profiled another website that shows videos of death. This type of website exists because people are interested in its content. Some people describe even enjoying these videos. However, that enjoyment seems to decrease over time. The more they were watching, the more their anxiety increased.

Generally speaking, it’s advisable not to watch these sorts of videos in excess but my main point is that it’s not uncommon for people to watch them. It doesn’t make them psychopaths. Certainly, some who watch them are psychopaths because statistically one out of every 100 people is a psychopath but most people are not. Sometimes, people watch these videos because they are simply curious about the reality of human nature.

You stated that you wouldn’t kill anyone because you’re too afraid of the lawful consequences. Psychopaths would kill if they wanted to, regardless of any consequences. In a manner of speaking, they follow their own set of laws.

You mentioned that you don’t think you can form emotional connections but how do you define emotional connections? The way you define it may be very different than how I define it.

You have friends but “would have no problem cutting them off forever.” That’s fairly common.

The people we call friends may not in actuality be that close. The most psychologically healthy people typically only have a few friends mainly because it takes a great deal of time and effort to develop meaningful friendships.

Think of all the people who claim to be “friends” with their co-workers or peers at school and once they leave that job or graduate from college, they often never speak to those so-called friends again.

Ideally, you should consult a therapist who was specifically trained in using The Psychopathy Checklist. The Psychopathy Checklist is the diagnostic measure that is considered the gold standard in determining whether or not an individual has psychopathy. A mental health professional trained to utilize this checklist would also conduct a semi-structured interview, review all available records and gather other clinical information before determining a diagnosis.

If you’re worried about your psychological health, you should consult a professional. We are not born knowing how to live. In fact, we’re not born knowing anything. We all had to learn to read, tie our shoes, and do all other things. Seeking out knowledge about how to live a meaningful life is anything but silly. Why not consult a therapist who has received specialized training in these areas? Sounds like a wise idea to me. Good luck with your efforts.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Severe Mood Swings

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

When I was 20 I attempted suicide while intoxicated, was admitted into a 30 day inpatient treatment center was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I was on medication for a couple months and then conceived my daughter. I stopped taking all medications and have not continued them since. At the age of 25 I approached my ob/gyn about mood swings and lack of sexual drive and she prescribed me Zoloft for post partum because my youngest daughter was about 8 months old. Over the years I have always been up and down on my moods but over the last year it has gotten to what I consider severe. One moment I am in a good/happy mood and then the next I am completely angered and in the worse moods ever. I take it out on my husband and my 3 daughters. Screaming and yelling. I sit back and think to myself that I am being ridiculous but yet I continue. This is every day on a minute to minute base. Not a week or 2 thing. This is constant. My sex drive is gone. I have no energy. Very down on myself. I am not sure what to do about it all anymore. I have no insurance so I have no went back to a psychiatrist or mental health counselor. Please help.

Even without health insurance, you can still seek mental health treatment. Individuals without health insurance are often eligible for services at their local Community Mental Health Center (CMHC). After an initial psychological evaluation, a therapist or caseworker can assist you in acquiring government health insurance. They typically assist clients with filing the necessary paperwork. Depending on your family size and income, you may be eligible for Medicaid. There may be other local community programs and resources of which you are unaware.

You can also call the local health department and ask if there are services in your community for individuals who do not have health insurance. They can direct you to those services.

As a last resort, sometimes people enroll in psychological studies that are being conducted at local universities. Many universities conduct research concerning psychiatric treatments and medications and need participants. Being part of a research study can assist someone in acquiring treatment when they otherwise may not. There is no charge for being in a research study and in fact most research study participants are compensated for their time.

I think you have correctly identified the fact that you need help. Your moods are unstable and treatment could help you immensely. You have a history of having bipolar disorder and it’s possible that you are experiencing mood swings associated with an untreated disorder. I hope you’re able to receive the help that you desire. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Might Have Schizophrenia But Scared of Doctors

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have been beginning to notice that i hear a voice inside of my head, he tells me what to do or he’ll make bad things happen and yesterday for the first time he insulted me. I also have paranoid delusions that people are sometimes poisoning my water, or watching me, or out to get me, or laughing at me, trying to make my life hell, trying to make everything bad for me because they all secretly are working together to humiliate me because no one actually likes me. Or if people are close i believe they can read my thoughts which makes me try to stop thinking, because of some of these things i really don’t trust anyone not even my folks. I also keep having mood swings or periods of time where i don’t feel anything, or have moment where I feel sad but could burst out in to laughter really inappropriately. My social anxiety is worse than ever but i dont have general anxiety any more instead i just have paranoia. I want to see a doctor for this as i feel it may be paranoid schizophrenia, yet im too worried that the doctors will try to hurt or humiliate me. Also having a bit of a hard time talking i keep using the wrong words, forgetting what i was saying and stammering.

I’m sorry to hear about what you’re experiencing. There’s no reason to be frightened of seeing a doctor. They are healthcare providers whose job is to help people get better. They won’t hurt you.

Even if you are frightened, you should make an appointment as soon as possible. The doctor will meet with you and want to know what you are experiencing. Provide him or her the information that you have included in this letter. If it’s easier, bring this letter with you to the appointment. It seems to be a good summary of your concerns.

Once the doctor better understands your symptoms, he or she will prescribe a treatment. That may include counseling and medication. Medication has been shown to significantly reduce paranoia and related symptoms. You would feel a great deal of relief if you were no longer paranoid and believed that people were trying to hurt you.

I hope that you will reconsider seeking professional help. Remember, doctor’s won’t hurt you. They can only help. They can make it so you are no longer experiencing these frightening symptoms and can help you to resume your life. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Feeling Really Down

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hi, I’m 19 years of age. I have had a really hard past foster care, my mother using with as her drug, and losing my brother and sister as they had to move with their dad to a different state at a young age. I currently live in Florida with my baby and my baby’s father. My babyis8months old. Let’s say that for about two years I’ve felt very irritable, had a super low sex drive, sometimes just want to cry, and feel so very worried constantly about the smallest things that most people wouldn’t be worried about. I get so irritated at my baby when he cries I grit my teeth and just want to hit a wall sometimes, and my boyfriend I feel like he is just constantly lying to me about everything. We also just moved to Florida from Arkansas I miss home so much, I feel hopeless and just want to cry. I haven’t had sex with my boyfriend in over 6motnhs. Please help:(

I’m sorry you’re experiencing so much distress. You have faced extraordinary life circumstances. You effectively lost your family at a very young age. You then had a baby at a very young age, moved away from your then-current family and presently do not seem to have any social support. The fact that you are “feeling really down” makes sense, given your life circumstances. Postpartum depression may also be a factor.

You need support and you also need professional mental health treatment. The advantage of seeing a mental health professional is multifold. A psychotherapist could assist you with your mood instability, treat (if diagnosed) your postpartum depression, help you generate coping skills to deal with the very difficult job of being a new mother, and assist you in developing a better relationship with your boyfriend.

Your life could be greatly improved with the assistance of a mental health professional. I hope you will consider it.

Finally, you may want to consider joining a support group for new mothers. Another idea is to contact a local university or your local health department to determine if there are postpartum programs or new mother studies. The local hospital or community health center may also be to refer you to nearby programs. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Why Do I Try to Do Too Many Things?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Ever since I remember I was trying to do too many things. Besides my job I always have a number of “hobbies” or “passions” that make it really hard to concentrate on one main thing or even to choose what that main thing should be. For example, lately I have become obsessed with making electronic music. So while being at work I am secretly spending nearly all my day reading and watching videos about the equipment and techniques. Note, that I mostly do not actually make music, but rather “prepare”, “research” or “study”. I consistently miss deadlines at work, but just can’t keep my mind on the job.

But the worst part of this is that through my life I had a dozen or more of such hobbies, becoming obsessed, then switching to another, then going in circles. Some but not all of them include drawing, painting, playing different music instruments, programming, visual design, tournament poker (professional approach requires a lot of training), financial trading, internet marketing, and others. As you can probably guess I have never become decent at any of this, just “trying”, “learning” and then switching to another. I am writing this because it looks like some kind of disorder to me, I just spend a lot of time with little results, my main job is constantly in danger because I am distracted and I am very frustrated. I don’t understand, why do I even want to do these things. I just become obsessed and can’t stop, can’t control it.

I would really appreciate if someone could explain what is going on with me, why is my mind working this way and what to do to actually live a more simple and fulfilling life. Thank you!

It is fine to have hobbies but not when the time spent on them puts you at risk to lose your job. Continuing to engage in this behavior could have real-life consequences.

If you are okay with possibly losing your job, then there is nothing you need to do to change. If you are not okay with the possibility of losing your job, and I am assuming you are not since you wrote for help, then you must be willing to take whatever steps that are necessary to change.

Some people engage in destructive behaviors because nothing of consequence has happened and or because they don’t believe that anything of consequence will happen. Based on the limited information provided, you have not been fired yet, but it seems like a definite possibility.

If you cannot control your behavior, then consider behavioral therapy. Behavioral therapy is highly-focused on extinguishing specific, unwanted behaviors. It’s imperative that this problem is corrected so you can avoid losing your job. You do not want to “learn the hard way” that your behavior has very real consequences. The responsible thing to do, the protective thing to do, is to get help from a therapist before your behavior harms you. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Extreme Jealousy Could Indicate Delusional Disorder

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My boyfriend has periods when he gets insecure and jealous that he becomes very different and thinks there is a secret among the rest of the world that he isn’t included in regarding hooking up. He also sees words as code. He’ll look at my email spam and for instance if the word is Float, he thinks each letter stands for another word.

It all relates to dating, love and cheating. His wife cheated on him alot. He will be up for days talking to me and he’ll think that what I’m saying means something else and that I really am like everyone else and he just doesn’t know the right code to be “in” on the secret world. During these episodes, he can also rationalize that he’s probably being crazy and that he’s sorry. He’s calm and quiet during these times. He says he sees the codes in words/letters all the time, not just when he’s “trippin” as he calls it.

I’m worried about him and our family. He’s a happy person otherwise. This usually happens when we have an arguement and he leaves, he thinks I’m with someone else while he’s gone or that I purposefully started an arguement so I could be with someone else. He knows I’m completely faithful. I’ve even had him video call me while he’s gone and I cooperate fully…but he thinks whoever I’m with is in on it and hiding…etc. I am wondering where to even begin researching what this could be and how to help. I talk and talk to him and eventually he decides that maybe there isn’t a secret world…if I am telling him there isn’t.

It is possible that your boyfriend may be experiencing delusional disorder but only an in-person, psychiatric evaluation could confirm that diagnosis. Two possible signs of the disorder include his belief that words, as “codes”, have a hidden meaning and his paranoia with regard to you cheating. The fact that he had an ex-wife who cheated may make him hypersensitive to the possibility of cheating but his intense focus on your alleged infidelity is unusual.

Delusional disorder is a type of mental illness that involves psychosis. Psychosis is a break with reality. Psychosis involves the inability to distinguish what is real from what is not real. A delusion is the belief that something is real, despite evidence to the contrary.

Individuals with delusional disorders experience “non-bizarre delusions.” An example of a non-bizarre delusion is the belief that someone is being poisoned, followed, conspired against, or admired from a distance. There are six main types of delusions associated with delusional disorders. Jealous is one of them. Individuals experiencing a jealous type of delusion believe that their partner or spouse is cheating in the absence of evidence to support their belief.

If your partner is willing, he should undergo a psychiatric evaluation by a mental health professional. With regard to psychotic disorders, treatment is particularly important because generally, delusions do not go away on their own. They can become worse in frequency and in intensity. Medication could reduce or eliminate his delusions. It may not be easy to convince him to see a mental health professional but it would be in his best interest.

Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Best Friend Suddenly Hates Me

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My best friend and I are extremely close. I have OCD, an eating disorder, depression and anxiety. She has depression and anxiety. About two weeks ago she suddenly stopped talking to me. I apologized profusely for whatever I had done. She then said I hadn’t done anything wrong but that she didn’t like my personality and that I made her uncomfortable.

This obviously hurt me and I asked what she was talking about. She proceeded to insult me and has not talked to me since. Every time I try to talk to her she walks away or tells me to leave her alone.

I’ve always been there for her, practically been her therapist. She has not done the same thing for me. She doesn’t even know the beginnings of my problems yet I know every single one of hers.

Her not talking to me has really affected me negatively and I have no idea how to solve this.

This relationship seems very one-sided. You felt that you were carrying the weight of the relationship. You helped her but she didn’t help you. One-sided relationships are always off-balance. They never last long.

It is important to realize that her behavior may not have anything to do with you. In other words, it may not be personal. It is more likely that she is reacting to her untreated anxiety and depression. Mental illness complicates interpersonal relationships.

You both may have expected too much from each other. You shouldn’t expect her to treat your mental health problems nor you hers. That’s the job of professionals.

Given your admitted mental health conditions, I would encourage you to consult a therapist. Encourage her to do the same. Professional therapists are trained to treat the types of problems with which both of you are struggling. Once treatment begins, the friendship may naturally resume. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Why do people spread rumours about me?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Why do people spread rumours about me? I am glad that I found this fourm. All my life I have been the subject of the rumor mill. I am a shy guy who tries to do the right things. I believe in dealing with people as fairly as possible. It has been hard for me to understand why people would spread rumors about me. When the rumors are place side by side that just don’t add up? Let me tell you all of them. In high school and college, I was a virgin. I would like to have had sex with the person I married. I express my views and it was well known. However, some people spreaded a rumor that I was gay. I never could understand that rumor because I like women. I just did want to sleep with them because I wanted a degree and job. I knew that could side track me too much.

I have another rumor that I am telling with. Some people believe that I like little boys. I can not for the life of me understand why they started that rumor.

The final rumor is some lady in telling people on the job that I am stalking her. It is strange because I have not spoken to this person since jan. I was working on her computer in dec. While I was working on her computer, she started telling me about her trip to FL. Later that day, I was working on another computer and she came in to the office. She started talking to me and another guy. To make a long story short, She stayed 15-20 minutes past her quitting time. One of her friends told her that she was going to miss the plane.

She returned in jan. I was in her area working on someone computer. When I finished, I thought that I would stop by her office to welcome her back and ask how was her trip. When I was walking out the person office, one of the supervisor was in the hallway. I passed by the girl’s office but she was not in. I was walking by another lady office and she was in that office. I thought I was just say hi and ask about her trip. She looked at me and looked the other way. Every since that day, I have not spoken to her unless she speaks first.

I also notice that people are following me a round the office. Every time that I am on that side of the building two things will happen. 1) She leaves her office and goes to another office. 2) Someone comes and stand at her door. She acts as if I am threat when she is a round other people, but ther have been times when she have passed by ne at the front door and I ran away from her. Therefore, she know that I am not a threat. Also, I notice that people are standing outside the door when I am working on a computer. I have done everything in my powers to stay away from this person as much as possible. Yet the rumors continues. What do I need to do to stop the rumors?

A. The question that you have to ask your self is why do so many people consistently misinterpret and misjudge both your behavior and intentions. It’s possible that you have surrounded yourself with people who are not competent to judge you or it’s possible you have surrounded yourself with people who are competent to judge you. I think it’s fairly safe to say that the people around you fall some where in between factual and inaccurate in their judgments. It’s important for you to recognize that though you may not be guilty of the things you are accused of there is something sufficiently odd about your behavior such that it generates rumors and misperceptions. You said you’ve had a lifelong problem with people saying these things about you, creating these rumors. Though these things may not be true, you have to determine what you are doing to cause people to form false negative opinions about you. I would recommend that you work with a good therapist who can help you to identify these things.

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Should I Disclose Depression?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

When I was 21 years old I started having visions and hearing things that others did not. I thought and still do think, I am special because of it. However, I started to feel like I did not want to be special any more. I went to the doctor and was treated for depression…

I am now 35 years old. I am college educated, I had a great career…children and now everything is falling apart. I used to be able to drown out the voices when they became overwhelming. I am having trouble dealing with it. They call me names and scream at me. They used to be friendly and even helpful. I am also extremely worried that someone will hurt me and my children.

I started seeing a therapist in October but I could not tell him everything. I did not really trust him. I felt by the way he was speaking to me that he was trying to judge me. I was also very afraid that he would have me arrested and take away my children. I was taking medication, but the voices told me that if I continued to take them I would die…I thought it would be in my best interest to listen….

I have an appointment with a new doctor next month…what should I do? Should I tell the doctor everything? Is this normal? Am I suffering from a depression?

Yes, you should tell your doctor about the symptoms that you are having. Withholding information from your doctor makes it difficult for him or her to properly treat your problem. The fact the you withheld this information from previous mental health professionals means that they may have misdiagnosed you with depression. Nothing in your letter suggests that you have depression. Your primary symptoms seem to be delusions and hallucinations, neither of which are symptoms of depression. They are in fact symptoms of a possible psychotic disorder such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. I cannot say with certainty whether or not you have a psychotic disorder but it is a possibility. That is why it is imperative that you report all symptoms to your doctor so that he or she can treat your symptoms accordingly.

There’s no reason to believe that you will be arrested or that your children will be taken away from you. Your children are not in danger. The authorities only remove children from their parents in cases of imminent danger. You’ve done nothing to suggest that you might harm your children. Simply having symptoms of a mental health disorder does not make you a danger to your children.

I would encourage you to read the New York Times article by Elyn Saks entitled “Successful and Schizophrenic.” Elyn Saks is a university professor, a successful researcher and the recipient of the MacArthur Foundation genius grant. She has schizophrenia and has been wildly successful in her life. In the article, she describes some of the ways in which highly successful individuals with schizophrenia manage their delusions and hallucinations. Some utilize cognitive techniques. In one instance, one particular individual would ask the following questions of himself when he began to experience hallucinations: “what’s the evidence for that? Or is it just a perception problem?”

She describes another individual who would simply “blow off” their derogatory voices. Another individual identified their triggers for the purpose of preventing a “full blown experience of symptoms.” Others used techniques such as minimizing sensory outputs, exercising, focusing on work, getting proper sleep, healthy diet, avoiding alcohol, and prayer.

There are very effective treatments and strategies that you can employ to significantly decrease or eliminate your symptoms. The sooner that you report these symptoms to your doctor, the sooner your symptoms can be properly dealt with. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Living with My Alcoholic Fiancé & Acute Verbal and Emotional Abuse

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Call work first thing Monday. Patient cam in with broken OD temple. FLEXON FRAME. can’t remember his last name but I printed out a remake of frame and forgot them in the printer at the front. Frame is in the lab in my cubby. What should i do? my fiance of 6 years is an alcoholic. he is mentally and verbally abusive to me every night. he drinks beer all day at work and then its vodka/diet coke all night at home. He drinks a 60 of vodka every 2 1/2 days and 24 beers every 2 or 3 days. He tells me he doesn’t want me and doesn’t need me, says you can’t fix stupid says I’m retarted…. tells me to F off, then in In the AM remembers nothing. the house we live in is in my name. his name is not on any bills or anything, but he does help with the mortgage. i dont think i can afford to keep my hose if i kick him out, even if i get a roomate. my 18 year old son started working with him at his hvac company as an apprentice. my son doesn’t drive, so he goes to work and comes home with my fiance. the company is paying to put him through schoool, and the owner of the company is also my fiances best friend, so if i kick him out, im sure my son would lose his job along with the opportunity to have his schooling paid for. my fiance smashed my truck up 3 years ago, so ever since, we have only had his vehicle. my mom has been driving me to work everyday and my fiance picks me up after work. i have no idea what to do. i feel lost and trapped. he has no intention of even trying to stop drinking, he’s told me that many times. I love him, but I just can’t take this alcoholism anymore. Last night he told me that alcohol was 100% more important than me. I,m so lost i dont know what to do. any advice would be awesome. thanks!

There’s a great quote by Maya Angelou that is applicable to your situation: “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Your fiancé is abusive, addicted to alcohol and doesn’t seem amenable to change. He told you that alcohol “was 100% more important” than you. That is an example of him telling you who is he. Believe him.

This is the man you chose. If this is not the life you want, make a different choice. Otherwise, this will be your life — unless his physical abuse kills you. It’s not too late. You can make different choices.

I understand that you might be staying because of your son and his HVAC apprenticeship but make no mistake, your son is being damaged by witnessing your fiancé abusing you. He may be inadvertently learning that abusing people is okay and that drinking alcohol is a good coping mechanism. By continuing a relationship with your fiancé, you are in effect endorsing his behavior. Your son may think “this is how men treat women” and begin abusing you or other people in his life. Your fiancé is not a good role model for your son.

Leaving him will temporarily make your life harder. You will have to give up your house and other things but then you will have the opportunity to rebuild your life the way you want it to be. He uses his money to buy the right to torture you. No amount of money should be enough to allow someone to abuse you.

Abuse is never something you should tolerate, under any circumstance or for any reason. Abusive people are dangerous, especially when alcohol is involved. Your fiancé does things and says things that he doesn’t remember saying or doing. This is a very dangerous situation for both you and your son.

Many communities have domestic violence shelters where you can stay until you decide what to do. The treatment staff will help you to find housing and other resources to assist in your transition, all free of charge.

Counseling is also highly recommended. It will provide you with support while you work to remedy this problem. Therapists can’t make decisions for you but they can advise you about making the best decision. They, in essence, help you to help yourself. Stay safe and I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Was It Abuse?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

When I was 12 I was in school and behind me was the 16 year old boy and I felt something behind me in the line to get some dinner, but I wasn’t sure what it was but I felt his whole body in back which was very uncomfortable and I couldn’t see his face properly. But I wasn’t sure if he was touching me at first so I just got out of the line because I felt his hand in my back but I wasn’t sure, so I kinda let it go. So the next day I went to the line again to get some food and I felt something really close to me again and i felt a hand trying to pull my jumper and shirt and it made me very uncomfortable and he touched me in my legs and between them but I was scared I didn’t know what to do I was just frozen I would always try in move but he would always go back, so again I got out of the line. I felt like he was following me everywhere I was really scared my friends were always there to make me feel a bit more protected. It happened for two weeks him just touching me and it always got worse, so I told my head of year but I couldn’t describe what he was doing so it looked like she didn’t really care so I thought I was being exaggerated that it was ok for him to touch me really inappropriately. I didn’t eat at school for days, until one day I went and he was there and once again he touched but this time quite worse as he tried getting between legs again my friends saw so they went to get my head of year and she took him out of the line and I didn’t know what she said to him she never spoke to me about it. The good thing is that he stopped but I was so traumatized and I still am. I have nightmares all the time and flashbacks of his face as I saw him earlier this year for the first time in a year I was scared I was getting paranoid. I was stupid for not saying stop it but I was so scared. Was it molestation or was just something that didn’t matter? These nightmares are just getting worse I just don’t know.

It’s difficult to determine what happened. Based on the small amount of information provided, the 16-year-old boy repeatedly touched you inappropriately and that would be sexual abuse. It does not appear, however, that he was reprimanded or held accountable for his actions. Thankfully, it was stopped.

The abuse still troubles you. It’s not something you should ignore because it seems to be interfering with your life. The ideal solution is counseling. It will help you to effectively address the trauma from the abuse.

It’s also important to address a thinking error. You wrote that “I was stupid for not saying stop.” That is simply untrue. You were a child and you didn’t know any better. Children are vulnerable. You were afraid and confused and did not know what was happening to you. Confusion and fear are understandable reactions, especially for children.

You did what you should have done, which was to tell someone in authority about the abuse. The person to whom you reported the abuse apparently didn’t take your first report seriously. If anyone made an error in this situation, it was the person who didn’t act when you reported it. Unfortunately, some adults don’t believe children when they report abuse. You did exactly what you should have done. You did nothing wrong.

I’m sorry that this happened to you but the good news is therapy can help. Contact your primary care physician and ask for a referral or use the “Find Help” tab at the top of this page to locate a therapist in your community. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Learning a New Reality

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Through mental health treatment, I’m being told that what’s been my reality for the last 10 years or so is not reality. I don’t really know how to cope with this. It’s making me question literally everything, and I feel completely overwhelmed about learning what’s real and what isn’t. How do I deal with this?

The fact that you are changing and seeing things differently because of therapy is generally a healthy thing. That is the outcome of good therapy.

You might be confusing reality with opinion. There is only one reality whereas there are endless numbers of opinions. An opinion is a subjective statement about a like or a dislike. For instance, it might be my opinion that chocolate ice cream is better than vanilla ice cream. You might disagree with my opinion and believe that the vanilla ice cream is better than chocolate ice cream.

Reality is very different than opinion. There is no such thing as my reality and your reality. There is only one reality. Reality is objective whereas “your reality or my reality” is subjective and falls into the realm of opinion. Reality can be proven and it is based on science and logic.

For instance you might decide to pick up a hitchhiker because, in your sincere opinion, the hitchhiker looks like a nice person. If the hitchhiker is in reality a serial killer, you will die because your opinion of reality was wrong. No matter how sure you were, no matter how sincerely and deeply you believed you were right, you were wrong and you will die because your opinion of reality was incorrect.

Your opinion doesn’t matter; only reality matters. If your thinking is in line with reality, then you will make fewer mistakes and thus suffer less. That is the essence of Abraham Maslow’s self-actualizing theory.

My question to you is this: Are you experiencing a decrease in your symptoms and is your life improving as a result of your therapy? If so, that’s a good thing. That’s the goal of therapy, to improve your life and well-being. If your symptoms are increasing and your life is worsening, that is obviously a problem. If you’re experiencing the former and not the latter, then it would seem like your treatment is working.

Regarding how to deal with your “new reality,” accept it for what it is. We must all seek and accept the truth. What is true is real and what is real is true. The more you can see reality the safer and happier you will be.

If you would like to write back to ask a more specific question, I could provide you with a more specific answer. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Mom Is Depressed, Bipolar And Delusional

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My mother has been suffering from horrible undiagnosed mental illness for my entire life. She is delusional, having hallucinations, very combative, accusatory, and cannot handle her life. She has been unemployed for a couple years and that has added to the illness breaking her down. It is breaking my heart to see her spiral so far down and still be convinced we, her children, are part of the problem. She is positive she has things hidden from her that have something to do with “the truth” she been searching for for 23 years (how long the divorce from my dad has been done). She says she sees ghosts of us, says self deprecating comments all the time and is detached from reality in every way. I am not in fear of her or fear her hurting herself but I am scared for her future and what will happen to her if she continues on this way.

I have no other outlets, no money to pay for treatment, and no resources aside from a state hospital I cannot put her in.. That would throw her into a place I don’t believe she would come back from.

Any advice or help would be an answer to a prayer.

Thank you for your time.

Your family is experiencing a very difficult predicament. My first suggestion is to try to convince your mother to see a mental health professional. This could include a psychiatrist, a therapist, or a case manager at your local community mental health center (CMHC). Most communities have a CMHC. Often their services are based on a sliding scale fee or they can be free, depending on an individual’s income.

If your mother is unwilling to see a mental health professional, then my suggestion would be for you to consult someone at the CMHC. There may be services they can provide to your mother in the home, if she is willing to accept them. They may have specific suggestions about how to handle your particular situation. In addition, they may be able to provide support services for you and your family.

I would also suggest contacting the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). NAMI is a nonprofit advocacy group designed to assist individuals with mental illnesses and their family members. Most communities have local NAMI support groups specifically designed for family members who have a loved one with a mental illness.

You wrote that you do not fear for your mother’s safety but that she is “spiraling.” I am not certain what you mean by the term spiraling. My interpretation of the term is that she is decompensating (i.e. experiencing a progression in the seriousness of symptoms). Individuals who are decompensating can inadvertently become a danger to themselves. For instance, consider this scenario: an individual would not physically harm themselves, but because of their untreated psychotic symptoms they psychologically deteriorate to the point where they are unable to care for themselves. Due to psychosis, they are unable to walk, talk, bathe, eat, or otherwise function in a healthy way. If not forced into treatment, they could die.

I am familiar with cases in which an individual was psychotic and subsequently began refusing to take their life-sustaining medications. The individuals began refusing their medication because they were convinced that they were being poisoned by their caretakers. By refusing the life-sustaining medications, they inadvertently put themselves at risk of death.

I included the aforementioned cases because even though your mother might not deliberately harm herself, her untreated psychotic symptoms may unintentionally put her in danger. This underscores the importance of consulting with mental health professionals as soon as possible.

Your mother is not well. Intervention is needed. I recognize that you do not want her to live in a state hospital. I fully understand why you would think that to be an undesirable outcome. The alternative, however, may be her living in a continuous state of psychosis, which many have described as being a “living hell.” Services exist in many communities that allow individuals to participate in outpatient treatment, take medication and live in their homes rather than in a state hospital. In fact, the majority of state hospitals across the country are closing. I would urge you to explore what community services are available to your mother and to your family.

If you have difficulty locating a CMHC in your community, then call the local health department and ask what free or low-cost services may be available to you. They should be able to provide referrals to local agencies who can assist you further.

Please do not hesitate to write again if you have additional or follow-up questions. I wish you and your family the best of luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle
@DrKRandle

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I Imagine Worst Case Scenarios & Plan What I’d Do if They Happen

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

For instant driving in a car I imagine if we crash what I would. Walking past a school o hear children screaming while playing I imagine if there was a shooting within the school what I would do. Plane crashed. Floods fires. Train crashes terrorist attacks. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think of these happening and plan what I’d do if they did.

These experiences could be indicative of anxiety and/or an overall discontentment with life. Without knowing more information about you and why these might be occurring, that’s my educated guess. Generally speaking, happy, contented, satisfied people would not likely be envisioning such tragedies.

If anxiety and/or unhappiness is present, it would be wise to consult a therapist. They will analyze what may be wrong and develop a plan for treatment. Your mental health and life satisfaction are important. If something is wrong, it shouldn’t be ignored. It should be dealt with promptly. The sooner, the better. I hope you will consider seeking treatment, should you decide that it is necessary. Thank you for your question. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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