I have a mental illness for sure. But I am not too sure about what it is. I have some symptoms matching with Borderline and while others match with Bipolar.
Below are the key points:-
1. I am 100% sure that I have a emotional dysregulation disorder. I have difficulty regulating my emotions. They are rarely, not, intense and sustained. They are triggered almost always by internal/external stimulants.
2. Since as far as I can remember(5 years old), to being 20 years of age – I was generally in a mania state/mood. There were long periods in between, where I would be in intense grief/love, and intermittent short periods of depression, anger and anxiety. But the important thing is that, even in those long periods of intense grief/love, I was feeling grandiosity, a sense of omnipotence, and a very high ego and energy(sleep was normal).
3. There is no pattern of mania and depression in my life. If I go into depression, it is generally triggered(I am very sensitive and thin skinned).
Your exact question is unclear. It’s possible that you have a disorder, but confirming a diagnosis is impossible over the Internet. The only way to know what disorder you may have is to visit a mental professional. They will determine what’s wrong and develop a plan to fix it.
Both disorders are highly treatable with medication and counseling. Counseling is the ideal place to learn how to regulate emotions. Emotional regulation is a learnable skill. It helps us maintain stability in our daily lives.
My advice is to consult a mental health professional. They will determine if you have borderline or bipolar disorder. They will also provide advice about how to treat these disorders. In the meantime, it would be helpful to continue to document your experiences in writing. Bring that information to your first appointment. It will help your therapist clarify the problem. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle