I am still as lost as ever, desperate for guidance, please 🙁 I have had bulimia/EDNOS since i was 14 (6 years) and have been through periods of severe self harm in order to cope with it. My life is continually falling apart because of it bit by bit and I am frightened because so many times I have wanted to just end it as i feel i have no other option. I am emotionally closed with everyone around me and all i ever think about revolves around food, i loathe the way i look regardless of whether I have lost or gained weight but especially at the moment with living back at home there is food everywhere and i frequently have the house (and kitchen) to myself. I hate what I have become and am losing faith in ever getting better I do not know what to and cannot commit to any form of therapy as bulimia and self harm, despite their destructiveness are my only thing i have left to hold on to, i do not understand how to let them go but its killing me. please, what can i do.
As you stated, bulimia “has been ruining your life.” This problem is out of control. It requires professional help.
You stated that you “cannot commit to any form of therapy” but it may be more accurate to say that perhaps you have not been willing to commit to any form of therapy. Generally speaking, therapy is more like work than pleasure. Many people like the idea of exercise but don’t do it because it takes work and a dedication to the process. If surveyed, many people in therapy might say that they would rather not attend therapy but yet they do so. They realize that without it, they their life would be worse. Therapy may not be what you want to do but it is necessary to treat your eating disorder.
If you have yet to try professional help, then you have yet to give yourself a chance. Before beginning therapy, many people believe that there is no hope for them. After attending therapy, their lives improve dramatically. You have the opportunity to experience life improvement but you have to be the one who decides that you are ready to receive help.
Bulimia can be a deadly disease. Your life is at stake. It is important to seek professional help at this time. Force yourself to do it, even if it’s unpleasant. It could save your life. Please take care.