From the U.S.: I’ve been having delusions for a long time that people can read my thoughts, and there are cameras everywhere watching me, and that everyone on the street is reporting on me. The problem is, I know these are false so I’m not sure if these are actually delusions. They’re not constant, only there most of the time, but because I have some moments without them I have insight into the fact that they are not true. Some separate rational part of my brain knows they’re not true, even when I’m actively believing them.
Even though part of me knows these beliefs are false, if anyone challenges them I’ll insist they’re true. I still believe them completely, and act and react to thing as though they are real. For instance, something in back of my mind says that obviously people can’t read my faults, it’s impossible, and I’m just being stupid. But I still believe it enough that when I’m in public I try to clear my mind and block my thoughts, and sometimes put my headphones in and listen to really loud music so when people try to listen to my thoughts they just hear the music.
I’ve been told that if you’re aware that you’re delusional or hallucinating then you’re not truly delusional or hallucinating. Is this true? Do these actually sound like delusions that I’m experiencing?
I’m sure this is very upsetting. I can’t responsibly answer your question with a yes or no. People are complicated and individual in their responses to what seem to be the same issues.
The best thing you can do to get the answers you are looking for — and to have some peace of mind — is to make an appointment with a licensed mental health counselor. A counselor will ask you questions to get more details about your experiences and to make a diagnosis. But it doesn’t stop there. You will also be given suggestions about what to do to manage those upsetting thoughts. Then it’s up to you whether you want to pursue therapy.
I hope you will make that appointment. You’ve already lived with your concerns quite long enough.
I wish you well.