From India: I am 22 years old man. I don’t know if my question will intrigue you or make me seem like a crazy person, but I am in a bit of conundrum. Well my situation is that I develop feelings of affection for others very quickly and that is my problem but this time around I don’t think it is so.
I am student and I have a batch mate who is a good friend (a girl) of mine, by good I mean we are really close. So now I have started to have feelings for her and I am afraid that if I say to her that I love her, then my friendship will be on the line. I don’t want to hurt her neither do I want to break our friendship. Apart from that, her father is really strict about her having relationships and she the niece of our Institutes’ Dean. I really don’t know what to do, shall I tell her about my feelings or should I just stand back.
Earlier, I didn’t had any serious relationships with the other girls but now I am tired of all this and want to settle down and she has been a pillar in my life for the last two and a half years and helped me get rid of my smoking and drinking habit. She always motivates me and makes me feel positive. She is the reason I strongly believe in myself now and I want to be with her without compromising our friendship.
I hope you will have some suggestions for me. I would be very much thankful to you if you could suggest me what to do.
I understand why it is difficult to approach her. Good friendships can be hard to find and she has been a good friend to you so you don’t want to risk it. But, on the other hand, most things that matter require some degree of risk.
You say she has been a good friend to you. Have you been a good friend to her as well? If not, that is the place to start. Make her life brighter and easier in any way you can. Help her believe in herself just as she has helped you. Be a positive presence in her life. My guess is that things should move naturally from there.
If, however, you already have established a balanced relationship, it may be that each of you is waiting for the other to make the next move. You could tentatively and respectfully ask her if she would be open to seeing each other socially. Keep it light. Take it slow. Don’t start talking about “settling down” until you get a clear indication that she feels the same way you do.
I hope your patience is rewarded.
I wish you well.