I’ve always had problems with my mom and grandma. I don’t know why but I guess we just don’t get along. To them, I’m like a disgrace pretty much. They make it seem as if I am worthless and stupid. It seriously hurts me but angers me about our relationship. Every since I turned 15, the whole being a teenager thing hit me. I did almost everything a crazy teen would. I would party; go out all the time, basically, never at home. Then when I hit 18, I found someone that I truly love. We dated before but things didn’t work out as planned. OH and I forgot to mention, I dropped out at 16. I was really lazy I guess. Didn’t know what to do with myself and seriously felt like I had no one. . And yes, till this day. I still feel like I don’t have anyone. But back to the boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been good on and off for a while. We both aren’t the best people. We have good hearts but job and school wise? We’re getting there. Its just overall, my boyfriend and I have been going through some hard times. It’s hard for me to say this but we use to be very abusive to one another. . And that’s where this leads to my family. I’ve never made the right choices in life. I don’t know if it’s just my luck or me. I really don’t know. I sort of feel like I don’t know what or myself I really want. I don’t know how to build myself up and make my family happy. My boyfriend and I had a huge fight and I broke my hand from that. My grandma was the first to find out and she was furious! Before my family didn’t really like him but they dealt with him. But ever since that fight, they HATE HIM! Pretty much, I feel like I am stuck between the three as in my boyfriend, family, and myself. I love them all but the depression and the stress they put me through is seriously tearing me apart. I know this might seem like an easy problem but to me, this problem runs my life as of right now. I lost my job, I’m trying to get back to school but I just can’t seem to know how to get back up. I’m very very confused.
I can appreciate the turmoil in your life and hope my response can help sort things through. At 19 the work in front of you now is to focus on figuring out who you are becoming and what you need to do with school and work. The confusion is because you haven’t found your own inner strength and resources. Your family and your boyfriend aren’t the kind of nurturance you need. Turn your focus toward finding out what you want to do with your life, what you are good at, and how you may be able to use your talents to help others.
I would encourage you to take this free strength survey to find out what your character strengths are and to start using them. Second, I would look to find a counselor who might help you sort through this confusion. The find help tab at the top of the page should help.
Wishing you patience and peace,