The Reason I am writing on here is because at this time in my life I am not able to see a therapist but I am going through some questionable moments right now. At the current time for at least a week and a half I have been depressed. I’ve had bouts of depressed on and off before, but I don’t recall it being this severe, I am starting to question my mental status just a few months before leaving home. Usually I am a motivated hard working chatterbox who likes to do stuff and be silly. But I will admit I get a lot of mood swings where I am angry or I’m crying or something but I usually blame it on that time of the month. Lately though no matter what I Force myself to do to try and cheer up I cant shake the depression (and its not that time of the month) Its like I keep battling myself and I feel that the problem is getting worse. All I want to do is sleep and listen to music and I feel like I can’t even talk to mom about it nor do I want to talk about it, I’ve only talked to my friend. I keep putting on a face because I don’t like people knowing I don’t feel well, but my mom knows something’s up. I haven’t been keeping up on stuff I usually do and it’s making me get angry with myself for basically slacking. Part of me says it’s all in my head but another part of me says something’s not right. I wouldn’t say I haven’t had thoughts of death but I always find a way of rationalizing in my head why not to do it. Yet I wonder if this keeps getting worse how much will it take before I completely lose it? I am sure the following do not help, my thyroid is underactive and I used to get sick often, (but now I am very healthy, taking all my supplements and even my doctor is very impressed and that I am physically in very good shape). My home life is stressful; my dad is sociopathic and has been to 3 therapists yet refuses to change. I would just like to move on in life. I know this is probably a bit choppy but any insight would help.
I applaud your effort for writing us here and asking directly for help. There are three things that you have said that I think require some attention.
The first is the medical need for action. First, since you are seeing a physician I would ask him or her to recommend an outpatient clinic that would be able to see you for psychotherapy on a free or sliding scale basis. Therapy is a good idea so that you can manage some of your emotional needs through the help of a therapist. Many local community hospitals have this service and it would be good to capitalize on your connection with your physician.
Second, I would also recommend attending an Alanon meeting. While I realize you have not mentioned that someone you know has an alcohol issue, it may be the case where you are aware of someone in your sphere who has a problem. Even if not I would recommend attending an open Alanon meeting. Often the culled wisdom they offer is strikingly similar if you are dealing with someone with chronic mental illness (as you say your dad is) or dealing with those who have an alcohol problem. The support from such a group might be very helpful.
Finally, I would encourage you to join one of our online forums to discuss your situation with others who will understand. This is a free service and can help you get the support you need.
Wishing you patience and peace,