My boyfriend (61yrs. old-like me) keeps in touch with some of his ex-girlfriends (he never married) on Facebook and even though I’m on too, his girlfriends don’t know he has a girlfriend–they (some are married) make references about old times, how handsome he sill is, etc.–then he always “likes” these comments!–they private message him too! Even though he tells me, I get upset that they don’t know about me–I have no problem that he stays in touch-just acknowledge me. Some have even asked him out for drinks! He knows this hurts me, but he claims he loves me, he’s with me, I should trust him and it’s no big deal–he doesn’t follow up on their requests(although he messaged one “sounds good, I’ll call you”-which I accidentally saw when I was on his computer with him at his place)- I was very upset why he didn’t say “can my girlfriend come?”- I’m not in touch with anyone from my past and there’s nobody in his face to make him insecure/nervous; and if I were, they would surely know about him. How can I get past this/what more can I do? This makes me insecure and my trust level low, because I’ve had many past relationships when I didn’t know my boyfriends had girlfriends/ fiancés-I was the hidden one; and 2 marriages with both husbands who cheated (he knows this!) Everything else with him is fantastic–other than this “elephant in the room”.
It’s important not to minimize that your boyfriend is ignoring your discomfort. If he’s not willing to say he’s in a committed relationship with you, then he isn’t. I would be clear with him that you don’t want to be kept a secret and that it’s troublesome for you to see this contact with other women where you are not acknowledged. If he’s unwilling to make your relationship known, then you have a decision to make. It is either a deal-breaker or you stay in the relationship but let him know that you plan to have the same right and freedom as him: Namely, to have contact with male friends and not inform them that you are in a relationship.
Wishing you patience and peace,