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Conversations with My Husband

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My husband remembers every conversation he has with everyone, but when we talk he acts like we have never talk about whatever the issue is. Example: I say hey what do you want for dinner, he says doesn’t matter, I say ok let’s order pizza, he says ok sounds good… not even five minutes later he walks in the kitchen and starts cooking dinner.

A few possibilities come to mind. The first is that even though you had a conversation about a topic, don’t assume that he was fully paying attention. Relatedly, many people are guilty of being distracted by their electronic devices and thus are only half paying attention. If so, his divided attention could explain it.

Perhaps these experiences are evidence of a degrading memory or another cognitive problem. You didn’t mention the condition of his health so memory issues may or may not be applicable.

Try to focus on what is happening during your conversations and note if any of the aforementioned possibilities could explain the problem. If his health is a concern, he should be evaluated by a physician.

If I were interviewing you in person, I’d want to know if you’ve asked him about this issue. “Why did you start dinner when we just agreed to order pizza?” Does he deny your earlier conversation? Does he remember once he is reminded? You might gain insight into this issue by asking him directly.

Thank you for your question. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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