I’m not sure quite exactly what is wrong with me but I will try my best to explain.
I feel different sometimes. Like a new person. Ussually, I am my happy self. When I am sad or angry, my mind shuts down leaving my face blank and my mind steaming with rage. However at night when I am alone I feel insane. I talk to myself about hurting people, about how no one will understand my views. When I am in this mode I ussually start crying and sometimes laugh hysterically either with my crying or apart from it.
I also have my own beliefs and views. Some part of me feels that it is impossible and that I am lying to myself but I can’t push it down, I believe it’s true. I think to myself that I am immortal, I’m not meant for this world, I think that I was put in this body for a reason that it yet to be revealed and I believe that I am the sister of some kind of God. Every time when I change into my other mode, I laugh and cry at how everyone will treat me when I’m insane. I think about how I want to hurt them when call me nuts.
Also, I’d like to add that in the daytime, while my normal “mode” is running the show she talks to my cold and emotionless one. The emotionless one is good at keeping bad thoughts out but it is hard for her to take control. When my normal mode is thinking about things that she doesn’t want to think about, the emotionless one usually has to beat her up and tie her down just to make it stop.
Is there something wrong with me? It would at least help me if I was able to know what it is. Sorry if what I am trying to say is cluttered/hard to understand.
Your symptoms indicate that something might be wrong. It’s possible that you are describing symptoms of psychosis, but only an in-person evaluation could determine a diagnosis.
With certain mental health disorders, some people describe feeling one way at nighttime and a different way in the daytime. There are also some people who stay up all night and sleep all day. They essentially flip their sleep schedules. Those are possible signs of psychosis or depression.
Studies about psychosis suggest that early intervention is one of the most important aspects of preventing more serious problems from developing. It could potentially delay or even prevent the development of full-blown psychosis and or psychosis related disorders. It’s imperative that you seek help as soon as possible. You can either contact your primary care physician and ask for referral to a mental health professional or go to an emergency room. It is wise to treat your symptoms early. The sooner you begin treatment the quicker you will improve. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle