Dear therapist, I went through bad break up, after that I talked with my friends only about it and did not give them any space. So now they stopped really talking with me or even wanting to talk. They told me that I have to go to psychologist, so we went together. Honestly, I did not find it helpful at all, the psychologist told me that I should go to psychotherapy. I do not feel that bad that I would have to go somewhere every week. But now I am more worried, but basically my problem now is that I write my friend too often and lie as well. I always told her how bad I feel after the break up and how terrible my life is even if it was not true anymore. I wanted her to feel bad for me and give me more time and just take care about me. I made up things and so on. Another thing is that when I wrote her I wanted the reply straight away and if she doesn’t reply I feel tense and I wrote her another 50 messages. What is possibly my problem, I hate going to psychotherapist because then I actually feel even worse. Is there maybe some book I could read that would be helpful for me? Do you thing I really need to go through psychotherapy? (age 24, from the UK)
A: I think it’s time that you start taking some of the advice that has already been given to you, or you will find yourself a very lonely person with no friends. Both your friends (who I’m assuming know you well) and a neutral professional recommended therapy, but you are ignoring the advice.
It sounds like you don’t need help with the break-up anymore, but you do need some guidance on why you need so much attention from your friends that you ultimately drove them away and even lied to them in order to get it. Does that sound healthy to you?
If you do decide to talk the self-help route, I would suggest looking into books on dependency, attention seeking behavior and personality disorders. However, I feel that the best way to deal with issues concerning human relationships is to have face to face interaction with another human, preferably one trained in such issues.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts