I’m 45 and just left my boyfriend after 28 years and i never had any other friends i find it hard to make friends i was abused as a child and now in very insecure with myself,I’ve just stopped smoking pot as well as he was a dealer and lived with paranoia as he wood rip people off, now I’ve left him and now living with my daughter and in getting to know her again but i still feel i can’t socialize with other people, in getting my own place and starting from scratch, i don’t know how to get new friends or in saying the wrong thing.
Given your situation, how you feel makes sense. You had been in a relationship for nearly 30 years and now it’s over. During that time you didn’t have many or any connections to other people or family. Therefore, you didn’t socialize and thus connecting with others seems difficult.
In addition, you mentioned that you recently stopped using drugs. You didn’t say how long you had used drugs. It may have been for years or perhaps even decades. If that were true then, psychologically, you were accustomed to being high and feeling a particular way. Feeling normal was feeling high. You’re going to feel differently, now that you are off drugs. That’s yet another major change in your life.
What’s making these major life changes more difficult is your lack of a support system. Having a support system has many important and positive benefits. It can help decrease stress, isolation, depression, and so forth. We all would benefit from a good support system.
I would recommend individual and or group counseling. It will provide support and guidance as you adapt to these new life changes. Having supportive relationships will buffer the stress that invariably comes from life changes. Contact your primary care physician and ask for referrals. That would be a good place to start.
Dr. Kristina Randle