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Extreme guilt for unforgivable act

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Hi. I’m living with extreme guilt and regret. It was at a party, just over a year ago, when a friend and I shared a bed. I’m not a heavy drinker, but I get easily intoxicated. I may have had 2 or 3 glasses at most. My friend passed out on the bed, but I was awake, only being mildly tipsy. Later into the night I did the most horrible thing. I placed my hands into his pants and felt his genitals, while he was asleep.

My friends and I always joke around about each other’s penis size and they all have seen each other, except for me, that why I felt his size. I did not fondle or do anything sexual with it. I acknowledge that it was wrong and I have never done anything of the sort before. Why did I forsake my beliefs that night?

We were both 18 and today I realise the sexual offense I committed. I don’t think of myself as an offender, for my intention was not sexual. I gave into my hormonal curiosity. I always considered myself being a late bloomer – my voice hasn’t fully deepened yet, scrawny, no facial or body hair and insecurities about my genitals. Could this be an underlying reason for my act?

I am religious and gay too. My friends know of this, but I fear telling him what I did, because he is not very fond of gay guys. How do I overcome this act without the guilty conscience eating at me like cancer? Thank you

Curiosity + Alcohol + Opportunity + Insecurity = A very bad combination.

Impulse control went out the window and now you are living with the regrets. I don’t think you are a sexual offender – although you did do something that’s offensive. Only you can decide if confession in this case is good for your soul or if you will only be transferring your angst onto him. If you would be unburdening yourself by giving it to him, I don’t know as that’s fair or helpful. It might be more to the point for you to turn to your religion and ask for forgiveness there. Then do something generous and charitable as an atonement. And for heaven’s sake: Don’t drink even 2 – 3 glasses of wine if it’s going to cloud your judgment so much!

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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