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Girlfriend Wants Some Space

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 months, w met through a mutual friend, we kind of met each at a very stressful time in her life, we met while she was in the middle moving from tallahassee to gainesville which is 2 and a half hours away, she is also the oldest of five siblings who look to her for everything as far as help goes, and she recently had a fall out with her sister who recently just had a baby, but everything up to this point has been great we go out to dinner, lunch, or breakfast, we hang out, we talk bout the things we are oing to do when she comes back to town to visit or when i come to town to visit but now all of a sudden she doesnt answer her phone calls or text, so naturally i think she doesnt want to talk to me, so i stop calling and texting, so then one day she pops up at my house, and she asks why im acting funny, i told her i didnt know u wanted nto talk, i call you and text you but you dont text back she looks at me confuse an says “i dont answer alot of my calls and text and thst there was a reason for that” “i have alot of stress i my life” I told her i understood. She then goes on to tell me “she felt like i was putting her on the backburner” So we talk so more and she leaves. Then later on that night I told her that I was sorry if she felt I was acting “funny” toward her, She says “its cool” and that she “would to have the right to her own space” I was shocked and told her “ok if thats what you want” she texts back ” thanks for understanding” What do i do now is she not interested in me anymore, or is she cheating, and how do she goes from us planning things in the future to her needing her space.

It is difficult to know what is happening with your girlfriend. From what you have described, there is no clear evidence of cheating. However, it cannot be ruled out. It may be that she is unsure of what she wants at this time. Her confusion might primarily stem from the fact that she seems to be in a transitional period in her life.

Miscommunication may be at the heart of your relationship problems. For example, she thinks that you have relegated her to the “back burner.” In other words, she does not feel as though she is an important part of your life. If that is not your intention, then something is amiss.

You need to have an honest conversation with her about the status of the relationship. It can give you a clearer understanding of how to proceed. Tell her that you are confused. Let her know that you were under the impression that you and she were dating but that she is now sending mixed messages.

Clear communication is an important aspect of every relationship. It is a good habit to develop early in the relationship. Without it there will likely be problems.

Do you want to be involved with someone who creates the rules of the relationship without considering you? She believes that she has the right to answer your texts and calls only when and if she wants to. She thinks that her behavior is fine. She wants her space.

Yet when you give her space and stop calling her, she complains about it. Most people want, expect and deserve a response to their messages — oral or written.

If you need additional guidance, you may want to consult a therapist. A few sessions with a therapist might help you to know how to handle this situation. The “find help” tab, at the top of the page, can help you locate a mental health professional in your community.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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