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Girlfriend’s Abusive Sexual Past

I’ve been together with this wonderful girl for about a year now known her for few months before this, really everything that I can ask for. She’s extremely devoted and we have a strong and stable relationship going.

Just one thing I can’t really get out of my head was when I learnt of her past. She was subjected to child molestation (nearly raped) repeatedly for close to decade by a cousin of hers back when she was young (5-14 years old) and subsequently an abusive ex that hit her when she was about 18. This led her to depression which she has worked past but occasional relapse when we have huge arguments.

I get these images haunting my mind of her sexual encounters somewhat like my brain is playing tricks with me and it’s really a mix of emotions of jealousy, hurt, anger, unfairness and frustration.

One thing’s for sure is that its my responsibility to deal with this and really none of it is her fault because it really wasn’t her choice. I refuse to talk to her about it because she has enough burdens in her life and adding more would be totally inhuman of me. I’ve tried to work past it and progression is slow.

I really do want to get back at the people who wronged her, but I know clearly this is feeding my own ego and not actually solving the problem. But I still want to do it. Would this actually make me feel better?

My question is how am I suppose to accept these feelings, I don’t want it to affect our relationship in the long run. Secondly, should I be seeking professional help or is this something time will aid me with? (From Singapore)

I understand how difficult it is to have these intrusive thoughts and feelings. Your instincts are right. I believe the best way to manage them is to be engaged with individual psychotherapy. Getting professional help at this time will help you deal with the rumination about your girlfriend’s past.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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