I have almost always had minor visual hallucinations (dark figures, geometric patterns, stationary objects look like they’re moving) in the dark (nighttime, dark room, anywhere), deep troubles identifying whether a memory is from real life or a dream, and I get deja vu a few times a week. I did not until recently realize that these could be symptoms of something concerning developing even though the hallucinations always make me very frightened/paranoid. A few years ago auditory hallucinations (muted conversations, can’t distinguish any words) developed. I have never taken any illegal/prescription drugs that could cause hallucinations. Is this simply my adhd causing memory problems and getting bored, or should I be looking into something else? (I should also mention that I suspect that I have borderline personality disorder due to emotional neglect/abuse from my parents and suddenly 4 years ago all my friends (known them for 7+ years) abandoned me. I have little sense of identity, fear of abandonment, frequent and intense mood swings, and splitting on people. However my hallucinations and confused memories are not about any of the traumatic events so I think it is something separate.)
You mentioned emotional neglect/abuse from your parents. It’s possible that your symptoms are the result of that trauma. It’s common for people with abuse histories to describe symptoms similar to yours (i.e. mild hallucinations and memory problems).
You also said that your friends suddenly abandoned you. You had known them for seven or more years. It’s odd that they would all abandon you all at once. Something must have precipitated their leaving. I’m sure there’s more to the story. These are the types of situations that can be thoroughly examined in counseling.
I would recommend consulting a mental health professional. They can gather information about your symptoms and determine what might be wrong. Most importantly, they can design a treatment plan to address your symptoms. That plan might include medication to reduce your hallucinations.
Dialectical behavioral therapy is an effective treatment for individuals with borderline personality disorder. Consider choosing a therapist who has been trained to treat borderline personality disorder, if appropriate. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle