I’m not sure if i have depression or anything like that. I’ve never been diagnosed. I’ve been having this issue for a while now and its getting more prominent as the days go by. I’ll be sitting and playing a video game or watching a movie to try and distract myself from myself but it seems to make it worse. I’ll be sitting and then i start hearing my own voice in my head but when it speaks, all it says to me is all the negative emotions that i feel. it tells me that i’m a loser, I’m lazy, and it asks me what am i doing, why do i bother to continue living. I’m worthless and nothing but a bother to my girlfriend. I know at this time I’m not the most active. I’m looking for a job at the moment and when the school year rolls around I’m going to be going back to school to get my life back on track. But anytime that i sit and try to do something a get overwhelming thoughts running through my head telling me things that i can’t shake. Its like my mind knows all my weak spots and aims for them. sometimes it asks me about my relationship with my fiance and says things like “you don’t really love her, you’re just using her, everything you say to her is a lie.” and i end up screaming back at it to shut up. I’m not very good with words so i’m sorry if this description isnt very good at describing. I’m very lost in my emotions and my thoughts and i would like any sort of help. Please, i need any kind of help.
You did a fine job describing your experience. This certainly sounds like it may be depression. You didn’t mention what you meant by your life being off track. But you did indicate that you’re out of school, unemployed, and feeling generally worthless. It sounds to me like your self-esteem has taken a big hit.
I agree with you. You need some help – more specific help than I can give you without talking to you to get a more complete picture of what is going on with you. There are medical problems that could be contributing to your symptoms as well as psychiatric ones. I urge you to talk frankly with your doctor. Inadequate sleep, recreational drugs, or alcohol abuse can contribute to these kinds of problems so be sure to share anyhing relevant in those respects. If you are medically fine, then ask for a referral to the local mental health clinic. If being unemployed also means that you have no health insurance, explore whether there are therapists in your area who work on a sliding fee scale. You at least want to get an accurate assessment and some recommendations for how to get some peace from all those negative words in your head.
Please follow through. Nobody deserves to be mentally beaten up like this day after day.
I wish you well.