I’m a 16 years old girl with many self esteem problem (maybe because I was bullied a lot in the middle school), I have social anxiety and I don’t have many friends, just one who doesn’t understand me and who always complain about me and my behavior but she doesn’t want to leave my because I’m her only friend too and she likes me sometimes because I make her laugh. I’m depressed when I arrive home but every time I see my classmates and my friend my mood is up again. Lately my depression and low self esteem had followed me in my social area too, I sigh a lot but when my friend ask me what’s wrong I smile and tell her is nothing because I will annoy her if I tell her about the things that upset me. When I’m home I’m felling low and alone, I don’t have a good relationship with my stepfather who support me and my mother (who stay in another town for work now) financier, he is very lifeless and grumpy and I’m happy when he isn’t around because when I’m alone I can turn on the music or do something fun by myself .As a kid I wasn’t raised in the best environment I was abused and molested by the woman who had talked care of me when my mother has gone overseas and by her older children but luckily I had forgotten many of there memories when I was 7 years old because it was too painful for me to remember. Now I’m feeling low all the time and I feel like I’m not good enough because I’m not perfect, prettier, smarter, more popular and richer, maybe I’m an attention seeker but I want people to notice and think good of me, I wish I had a lot of attention from the opposite sex like other girls because that will make me feel prettier, but I have a baby-faced and a lot of guys told me before that I look like a 12 years old and I had made a fool of myself many times when I was younger and a lot of them bullied me. My bigger problem Is that I’m thinking of all those
things every time when I’m in my quiet house and I’m afraid to go out by myself because I will feel bad and people will stare at me, gossip or I will feel alone. What can I do? I even thought of suicide when I was depressed and that makes me feel really low but my mother doesn’t want to hear about something like this and she goes mad at me every time I tell her.
Thank you for taking the time to talk about all these feelings. It sounds like you need a trusted adult that isn’t a family member to talk to. Is there a teacher or counselor in your school that you can approach? I think the way to begin this is to talk about the impact bullying has had on you in school. This way it keeps it focused on a core school issue, but as you are able to trust the person you can talk more about this. Stay connected with your friend, and see if there are others that may be open to a connection with you. I want you to fight against isolating as you find an adult to talk to about these things. You are obviously very bright as you have written this email in English, which isn’t your native tongue. Find other good students to talk to and share your interests with them. Building new relationships will help — even if it is difficult at first.
Wishing you patience and peace,