Ever since I was 10, I have been experiencing homicidal thoughts. They just keep getting worse, and I’m scared that thoughts will become actions. I have enjoyed horror films and shows since I was very young, but I always knew that killing was bad. Now, it’s all I think about. I dream of torturing and murdering random people in gory and grotesque ways. I very much enjoy the feeling I get, but at the same time, I know I cant afford to kill anyone. The urge is very strong to, though, and it affects my daily life in several ways, including mood swings. My parents are very concerned and are trying to get me some counseling, but for the time being, what should I do about all this? If you could give any insight on all this, it’d be greatly appreciated.
People with homicidal thoughts might feel the way they do because they lack power and control in their lives. The fantasy of hurting others is a power-based fantasy. It stems from the desire to have more control over others.
Generally speaking, people who have these fantasies are suffering in their own lives. Maybe a person is struggling because he or she is not part of the “in crowd.” Perhaps someone they like, doesn’t like them back. They might feel rejected. Feelings of rejection can be quite painful. Homicidal fantasies might develop as a way to compensate for the painful feelings of rejection. There are other reasons as well.
It’s good that you have made your parents aware of this problem. It significantly increases the likelihood of a cure. Counseling could help you immensely.
In the meantime, avoid films and written materials that have a murder theme. That means horror movies or anything related. Try engaging your mind in activities that foster goodness, kindness and love. There are plenty of films and books and Internet websites about those topics. I’m not suggesting that it will cure your problems, but it could significantly decrease your negative thought process. What will be most helpful, is one-on-one and or family counseling with a mental health professional. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle