From a young teen in the U.S.: I’ve been really trying to figure myself out lately, and a lot of scary things have been happening to me that I am not sure are even real, or if I am creating these issues in my head.
I’ve been feeling like I have two people living inside of me who are almost polar opposites, one who is outgoing, likes to self-harm for amusement and adrenaline rush, and is extremely extroverted while at the other who is depressed, un-motivated and introverted, where any sort of social interaction makes me feel like I might pass out. I have heard voices calling my name when I know I am completely alone.
I start to fall apart when I don’t have distractions such as music to help me focus on tasks. I am also struggling with a strong desire to be female, which has really been bothering me due to my families religious values. Do you know any ways I can start helping myself that won’t involve my family, as my mother is already dealing with a lot of stress.
Your letter shows yourself to be a sensitive, caring young man. I very much appreciate your desire not to stress your mom. However, what you may not understand is that it will be far more stressful to your mom to find out later just how much you have been struggling.
You asked how you can fix yourself. Although I understand why, I hope you will consider this: Sometimes everyone needs some outside help — if only to get the information needed to then do the self-fixing.
The problems you outlined are real and deserve attention from someone who can get to know you in all your uniqueness. Please talk to your school counselor about how to get an appointment with a mental health counselor. In many places there are free or low cost options for teens. Then bring your letter to the first appointment. That will help you jump start the conversation.
You made an important first step in writing to us here at LifeHelper. Please take care of yourself and take the next step by making that appointment. We care.
I wish you well.