Home Anger Management How Do I Stop Being Angry?

How Do I Stop Being Angry?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From a teen in the U.S.: The smallest things set me off and I go into this raging fit of anger  I never know what it is that actually set me off but I take my anger out on the people I love most it is starting to seriously affect my relationship with my boyfriend and I don’t want it to ruin us I usually tend to cry while angry as well I feel like I need to cry most times but nothing ever comes out and when I do cry I can only cry for a few minutes before my body just stops I’ve pushed down all of my feelings because I hate crying and feeling sad or weak and I think maybe my anger has risen because of that but for what reason am I constantly angry.

You didn’t give me enough information to give you a clear answer. I can only suggest that just maybe you are suffering from depression and/or anxiety. Many people don’t know that depression sometimes shows up as irritability as much as sadness. It’s also a symptom of anxiety disorders.

It’s also possible that your irritability is your system’s way of telling you that you have an undiagnosed medical problem. Believe it or not, sometimes an infection, for example, can cause a person to feel stressed out and on edge. A Vitamin B-12 deficiency can cause irritability or depression. Iron deficiency can also be the root cause of symptoms of depression or irritability. If the problem is nutrition, the intervention may be as simple as eating better. If it is a more serious condition, your doctor will advise you about what to do.

You didn’t mention if you are getting enough sleep. At your age, you should be getting at least 8 hours a night. I know. I know. Most teens are surviving on less. But we’re talking about you. You may be one of those teens who can’t handled being overtired all the time. Chronic fatigue makes people super-sensitive and unable to manage stress. It decreases your ability to manage frustration and intensifies anger. Sadly, sleep deprivation also decreases a person’s ability to enjoy life and reduces enthusiasm and optimism.

I’m glad you wrote. It means that you are taking the problem seriously and that you do want help. First, make sure you are getting enough sleep and eating right.

If that doesn’t help, see your doctor for a complete physical exam to make sure that the “anger” isn’t a clue to a medical problem. If it is, then it’s important to follow your doctor’s recommendations.

If you are still always on edge, angry, and tearful, do make an appointment with a mental health professional. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, a two step protocol will probably be recommended: Some medication to help your system calm down a bit so you can make use of therapy; and regular Therapy to learn new coping skills and to get some support while you practice them.

Writing here was an important first step to getting a grip on the real problem behind the anger. Now, please, follow through and do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You — and the people around you — deserve to have you be your best self instead of a bomb about to go off.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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