I’m divorced and started dating. My mother is against my relationship and it has become to the point I have to choose. How do I do this? I’m a smart, independent woman that can’t break my dependency with her. I am capable of many things, but I am handicapped with her. She blocks me, makes me feel guilty. I need help to do this but don’t want to crush her.
Narcissists don’t crush. They tend to be quite insulated from feeling affected by others. The fact that you think you’ll hurt her if you take care of your own needs is a major part of the problem. Your mother trying to make you feel guilty lets you know that she isn’t invested in your well-being
The balance in managing yourself around someone as self-absorbed as your mother is knowing you have a choice between feeling guilty for taking care of your emotional needs, or feeling resentful when you don’t. Always choose feeling guilty for taking care of yourself because the resentment you’ll feel for not doing so will cause you to alienate from her in the long run.
Finally, start planning a way for you not to live with her and making more of a life for yourself. Living with a mother who treats you like you are a young child rather than a grown woman isn’t what will help you thrive. It is time to craft a life that suits your independence.
Wishing you patience and peace,