From South Africa: My fiance left me two years ago. I have not stopped crying, all my efforts have been rejected by her. I have been using substance to try and help me. I thought of taking my life many times. It’s effecting my work and my social life. I have really tried everything I really need help.
Thank you for writing. Yes, you do need help. What you are describing may be unresolved grief. Your fiance has made it clear that you should let her go and move on. But you are stuck.
As you’ve already discovered for yourself, misusing substances doesn’t help you reach resolution. In fact, it keeps you stuck. However important the relationship was at the time, it is not a tribute to your fiance or respectful of yourself to put your life on hold or to end your life. You deserve better.
Since this has gone on for 2 years, my guess is that this is a much deeper problem than unwillingness to deal with her rejection. You deserve the attention of a therapist who can hear your whole story and help you through your grief and your anxieties about again finding love. Please take care of yourself and get the support you need.
I wish you well.