I’m just somebody from California.
So, when I was little, I used to be able to make friends with anybody. I was the most social kid most people knew, even though I had a lisp and could hardly be understood.
Then I was betrayed over and over again. The first time, at the age of six, was a girl named Aubrey, who was seven. She sexually assaulted me. She forced me to play doctor, watched me whenever I went to the bathroom, groped me, etc etc etc. The second time was at the age of nine, with a girl named Peyton who was six. She stole from me, and tried to make me steal from others.
…Then there was my cousin, Alex, who is a one and a half older than me that was the final straw. He became my stalker, watched me while I slept, climbed into bed with me, groped me, watched me go to the bathroom, take photos, tried to rape me, etc etc etc. And, yeah, well I don’t exactly trust people anymore. And this happened when I was ten.
I want to change. I want to trust people. Not everybody in the world are Aubreys, Peytons and Alexs. I just have no idea how. I keep a public persona that I’m addicted to, and I’ve no idea how to throw it away…I just need somebody to help me…
You are the ideal candidate for counseling. You already know what the problem is. Knowing what’s wrong is a great starting place. Many people enter counseling without knowing what the underlying problem is. Abuse and trust issues are some of the most common reasons why people enter counseling. The counselor can guide you to the solution.
Trust is a fundamental element of relationships. Your ability to trust and to know who to trust has been eroded because of your history. That’s okay because you can relearn how to trust and how to distinguish between the people who you should trust and should not trust.
Ask your parents to assist you in finding a counselor who specializes in trauma. A trauma-informed counselor would be in the best position to help you. In the meantime, you might start keeping a journal. It will help you process your feelings. You might also read books about overcoming trauma. Read reviews on Amazon and check out books at your local library. Journal writing and reading about the healing of trauma will prep you for the emotional experience and healing effects of counseling. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle