I’ve always felt sort of off. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in kindergarten and was almost immediately medicated. Things were fine until 8th grade when a boy left me and I spiraled into depression and self harm. Then in freshman year a boyfriend sexually assaulted me by saying that if I loved him I would let him do things. That messed me up more. Now it’s senior year and I don’t want to get out of bed. I shut down at the slightest hint of hostility or annoyance that someone directs towards me. I have thought running through my head telling me that people don’t like me and that I am doing things wrong and am being judged for them. I am scared to say things for fear that people will be upset. I pick at my skin and hair until my face and/or cuticles bleed. I continuously feel bored and numb. I feel as though I can’t get excited or aroused by things anymore despite that never being an issue before. I feel like this feeling has been growing since I was 13 and now it’s finally peaking and I don’t know what it is or what to do and I feel as though I am losing my mind. I just want to know what is going on with me.
Thank you for reaching out. Based upon the symptoms you describe, it sounds as though you may be experiencing depression and anxiety. I recommend seeking a consultation with a licensed mental health professional and possibly the consultation of a psychiatrist for medication evaluation. It takes courage to seek help but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Best of luck to you!
– Dr. Mimi