From New Zealand: I’m 17 and in the last year or so i’ve been having problems with motivation, people, family members, and especially myself. all my life i’d have a week-month phase of being really energetic or into something and eventually but indefinitely, i would just sink back into feeling very hopeless, just really turning into a waste of space really. I find it hard to deal with people naturally during this time and i also find it harder to sleep or wake up. i find myself having to act and pretend to be happy..
i can’t deal with anyone normally, i act really weird around them as in either completely shy or borderline sexual harassment. i literally cannot control how i act unless i am very angry. i act so weird and i can’t control it, so i feel noone knows who i am inside.
forever now, my mother has been promising me to give up drinking and she never does i hate how i get home and i see her ugly face when she’s been drinking and the house smells disgusting like wine and her voice sounds disgusting too she is disgusting i hate alcohol now and everytime someone drinks it around me i feel sick and i feel they’re going to hurt me and blame me for everything like she did…
i hate seeing my face because i look like her and i wake up and see her disgusting saggy face staring back at me from the mirror… i can’t be who i want to be, even if i am, it lasts for a month or two maximum before i spiral back to where i came from… i am so passionate about things sometimes and the next week i feel how i feel now, that nothings ever going to work out and that i’m never going to stay happy or be happy please help me i’m so tired of this but i’m not sure if it’s important enough,
i’ve been to a phychiatrist and she said i’m completely normal and told me to meditate to get rid of the chatter in my mind and i pretended to feel better to stop the sessions cause they weren’t helping what should i do…
You’ve said a tremendous amount in a short letter. I can’t assess what’s wrong with so little information, but I do believe you that you feel like something just isn’t right.
Sometimes the first counselor a person sees isn’t a “fit”. I encourage you to get a second opinion from a mental health counselor. Take your letter with you and share it as a way to give the counselor a quick overview of how you feel.
Among the issues I would want to explore with you are these:
You may be experiencing some of the common problems of an adult child of an alcoholic. Take a look at this website to see if it helps: http://www.adultchildren.org/
You said your mother hurt you. You may be working through trauma related to those experiences. See this website: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/emotional-and-psychological-trauma.htm
You described a history of ups and downs. I don’t have enough information to determine whether that was in reaction to what was going on at home or if you may have symptoms of bi-polar illness. When you see a therapist, she/he will be able to help you figure that out.
You made an important first step by writing to us here at LifeHelper. Please follow through and take care of yourself by finding a counselor to work with.
I wish you well.