I don’t know what it is or how to fix it or if it’s even that big of an issue but I’ve decided to ask here and see if it’s something I should tell people about.
I’ve been having trouble doing what I used to like and to be truthful I just think I’m going crazy. I’ve been having weird impulses to do things, like fix a pillow on the couch that looks fine, and usually can’t control going over to fix it. I feel as if I need to fix it for some reason.
I’ve also been having very weird impulses and temptations that I’ve never gotten before. A few days ago I had to put my cat down because I felt like strangling to poor thing after putting a hand on it’s neck! I love my cats, I don’t know what happened!
I have always been called “Slap-Happy” and I think that issue is getting worse. I want to hurt people now, even my friends, but I love my friends and family and most people I have the urge to hurt didn’t even do anything. Thanks to this and other reasons I don’t know I hate being in social situation and would like to avoid them. Even though I feel like I’ll hurt someone I force myself to go to parties and other social events because I don’t want people to know.
I tell my friends that I just don’t like people and usually act very happy around them (like a whole other person) just so they don’t know.
I think one of my friends is catching on now I have what I can only describe as panic attacks whenever I’m around that friend, even if I know that they would help.
I have a fear of people not liking or leaving me because of how I feel but I also hate when people show pity towards me.
I’ve been so scared of being found out or losing control that I took my old habit of hurting myself to a whole new destructive level and started cutting myself. I also have an odd obsession to see blood that I really can’t explain.
I feel like I need to cut not to hurt people.
Tell me if I’m over reacting or if I should think about getting help! I don’t want to hurt anyone or cause anyone stress.
You’re not overreacting. Your instincts about needing help are correct. You could greatly benefit from counseling to deal with your strong emotions.
What might be happening is that as your anxiety level increases, you are inappropriately expressing your strong emotions. In other words, your desire to hurt people, animals and yourself might be the outward expression of your inability to handle strong emotions.
Some people overeat when they are emotional. Some others drink alcohol, use illegal drugs or go on spending sprees. Your (maladaptive) strategy for handling strong emotions seems to be hurting yourself or wanting to hurt other people or animals.
Those are unhealthy responses to strong emotions, which result in self-mutilation or your possibly hurting someone else. You need to learn healthy strategies for handling strong emotions. Therapy is the ideal place to learn these skills. Other strategies might involve group therapy, journaling, exercise, meditation, among others.
It was good that you asked for help. It was the right thing to do and now that you know that professional help would benefit you, ask your parents for their assistance. If that strategy doesn’t work, then speak to your school guidance counselor. He or she might be able to assist you or speak to your parents for you. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle