I don’t really know how to deal with myself, in general, I feel likeI could be going crazy.
What does it mean when I feel like i’m going crazy or that there is something is wrong with me, I take several type of disorder test and they all confirm there is something wrong with me but I don’t know how to handle it. For example, I can’t handle the thoughts I think some can be violent and some really nice, sometimes I feel like I can’t believe these thoughts our from my mind I just feel like a different person. I also have major mood swings like sometimes during class I’ll be very happy and eccentric and in just a matter of seconds I’ll go emotionless, I also can’t trust my friends that much I feel like they can just betray me any moment even if I’ve known them for years. Also, sometimes I’ll be on guard for no reason so I would feel like someone could just jump at me for no reason.at all. I used to be depressed but not any more yet I feel depressed at certain times. My anxiety levels have also risen a lot, I also have a hard time talking to people because I fear they will think bad of me. Sometimes I don’t care when people insult me and get amused my major accidents and agree with evil people. For example, I remember learning about 9/11 I thought it was so cool how the terrorist just went flying into the buildings I kind of found it amusing. And when learning about Hitler I thought he was pretty cool even though he did such terrible things I found him cool. I just feel like the way my mind thinks is kind of crazy or dangerous I even plan out details if friends betray me and imagine so many strategies to do so many bad things. As of right now I feel like I can be totally evil or crazy, how do I handle this. (From Canada)
It must be a terrible burden to have these horrible thoughts that you know are not okay, while at the same time not being able to manage them. I appreciate your bravery in talking about this here and will encourage you to set up with an appointment with a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. You need an evaluation to get to the bottom of this.
The rapid mood swings, aggressive ideation, inappropriate reaction to accidents, trauma, and violence seem like on-going intrusive thoughts. There can be a variety of reasons for this and an evaluation by a professional who understands these symptoms is necessary. Getting someone to help you identify the cause of these intrusive thoughts and inappropriate feelings is very important. You’ve taken the first step here to ask the question. The next step is to find someone locally who can help you sort this through and come up with a plan to help you deal with it all.
Wishing you patience and peace,