Home Depression I hate life

I hate life

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. First of let me just tell you that it’s ok if you don’t want to respond to me, i undestand. If for some reason whoever is reading this actually cares enough to respond heres my problem: I absolutly hate my life A LOT. I don’t get a long with my parents ever. They hate me. I don’t know what to do. I hate how i look. I have no self esteem. I am fat and disgusting and i know i am because even kids at school say it. I have no friends and my sisters are always fighting with me. I have tried to be bulimic. I found a website learning how. I don’t through up everyday, just on really bad days. I sometimes wonder if life would be better if i was dead but then i think of my dog and i dont want to leave her and i dont want to hurt anyone else. so i dont want to die i am actually afraid to. I tried to cut myself before, but i couldnt get up enough nerve. But really who cares about me anyway, right? My teacher sometimes calls me paranoid because i am always afraid that people dont like me. well news flash NO ONE LIKES ME. I dont know who to talk to because i am not good at talking about myself i get embarresed and think there are bigger problems then mine and im not important enough. I m just so tired of being me and i just wanted to know what to do i think i might be depressed. I don’t know but i am angry a lot and i hate my step dad. I hope you can help me a little. I’m sorry if my letter is stupid and i wasted your time.

A. Your letter is in no way stupid or a waste of my time. I am really glad that you wrote. I first want to say that I am sorry that you are so down on yourself. What I find positive about you writing this letter is that you cared enough about yourself to request help. To me, this is very hopeful. Even though your words about yourself were negative, I want to point out that you cared enough about yourself to inquire about how you can stop feeling so depressed. Your inquiry tells me that some where deep inside you, you do really care about yourself and know that you, like everyone else, deserves to feel better. Just by writing this letter, you have already taken a healthy and positive step in the right direction, to end your suffering.

My recommendation for you is to find a counselor. For you, I would specifically suggest seeing the school counselor. Also, you should talk with your mother and step father about your depression and tell them that you want to seek help. It is important that they know how you have been feeling lately, even if you do think they “hate” you. I know that seeking help and talking to your parents will be difficult for you since you mentioned that you feel that your issues are not important enough to warrant help.

You have written this letter and that is a good, first, healthy step. Your letter and my response both confirm the fact that you are experiencing issues that require extra help. Next, I strongly encourage you to take a second, more difficult step. That is, tell your parents about your depression and find a way to get into see a counselor. If you do not want to tell your parents, at the very least go to the school counselor and tell him or her what you have been feeling. Be open and honest with the counselor. Contrary to what believe, you must realize that you are important enough to receive help. Not only are you important enough, but it is your god given right to get that help, to feel better about yourself and to end your daily suffering. Your new mantra after reading this response should go something like this: I do deserve help. Thinking about it from another viewpoint, if your friend wrote this letter to you, asking you for advice, I am sure that you would not tell her that she was not worthy of help. Instead, you’d encourage her to get help or talk to her parents because she deserves to feel better, because she is worthy of help. If it is good advice for your friend, then it is good advice for you. Take care and write again if you have any questions or need further clarification about my response to your letter.

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