From a teen in the U.S.: This problem started when I started middle school. See, I was a shy, weak, puny, and small kid, and still am kind of. So because of that, I was bullied. Now, many people who get bullied kill themselves, but I was different. I wanted to kill the bullies instead.
I could fight my bullies or ignore them or tell someone, but my bullies are not normal bullies. They often times act gangster, or ghetto and are from trashy neighborhoods(seriously, houses near the school(s) are worse than Detroit ‘hoods).
One, I’m too weak to fight them.(I don’t back out of standing up for myself, but I’m still unable to fight.)
Two, you smart people should know why ignoring won’t help.
Three, you tell on them, you will be known as a snitch that will get stitches.
My bullying was bad, some people have had it worse, but still. After being bullied, my whole view changed. I hated society and the human race. I want to become a serial killer and end the human race. Everything about the human race is terrible. The stupidity, the negativity, etc. All the good humans suffer. Is this normal that I feel this way?
After bullying happens, I then want to kill them and start planning on the murder. Sometimes, I got really mad from the bullies, I even got to the point where I even almost beat them up and they weren’t able to stop me, only a teacher did. I can’t control my anger and I need help before I lose it. There’s probably a low chance I’ll do it, but I still feel like doing it.
When I got bullied, I grabbed a knife and planned to use it, but I didn’t and put the knife back. I hate how the world wants you to be perfect, but I don’t want to be. I’m scared to tell someone about all of this but I need help. I know you can’t diagnose me with any mental illness, but I always wanted to know if I had one. I always thought I had a certain disorder, but I then realised I didn’t and went to another one, and then back to that disorder, etc. Can you help me?
I’m so, so sorry you were bullied so badly. What you are feeling is not unusual but it isn’t helpful.
Let me explain: Often people who are victimized come to the conclusion that the only way to avoid being a victim is to be a victimizer. It’s as if your unconscious mind has only 2 positions on a switch: Either I’m a victim or I can be powerful and avoid being a victim by being a worse bully than the bullies.
Again, this isn’t unusual. But it does mean that the bullies of the world “win” because your only alternative to being bullied is to be one of them.
What therapy offers is help finding a third position for that switch. In therapy, you will learn how to cope with your understandable anger and how to use it effectively. No, it won’t stop bullies from trying to bully. (They need therapy of their own to deal with the insecurities that cause a person to bully.) But a therapist can help you learn how to take care of yourself and others without becoming the very kind of person you hate.
For that reason, I hope you will talk to your school guidance counselor about how to find a therapist who specializes in working wtih teens. You deserve the help. You need the help before you do something you will truly regret.
I wish you well.