I consider myself a heterosexual male but I have often had difficulty forming romantic connections with women for one reason or another. Instead, I tend to be romantically attracted to men, even if that attraction doesn’t exactly translate into sexual attraction.
Recently, I have found myself very attracted to my same-sex roommate. My feelings toward him are romantic and I really wish I could start a relationship with him. When I told him about my feelings he seemed ambivalent. I had thought that perhaps he was interested in me (he seems like the type of person who is not totally straight) but I get the feeling that he doesn’t feel comfortable forming a relationship with me.
I feel very desperate at the moment as I crave romantic connection but I seem to be unable to obtain it, either with men or women. To be honest, I have no idea how to proceed either with my roommate or with any future romantic relationship. I feel as though I lack the ability to form a meaningful romantic connection with a woman, but I am also incapable of forming a sexual relationship with a man. I may be destined to be alone forever, even though it kills me.
Please let me know your thoughts.
These ambivalent feelings are common and it would be helpful for you to talk to a therapist familiar with these type of identity issues. It says from your profile that you are at a university. Universities are equipped with typically well-staffed and trained therapists in their clinic for student counseling. I would highly recommend this. It is your uncertainty about you sexual identity that underlies the difficulty and hesitation. The therapy would go a long way toward healing this.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
