I’ve always had homicidal/suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember, but i never spent too much time thinking about them until recently. Since I turned 14, I’ve been thinking a lot more about homicide/suicide, and I’ve been having urges to do it as well. Of course I haven’t acted on these thoughts yet, but they’re getting harder to ignore. I know this isn’t normal, or right, but I’ve been wanting to kill someone recently, and in very graphic ways, even thinking of torturing them before I do it. The people in question are usually people I have a dislike or even hatred towards. I’m scared that I might enact on these thoughts and hurt someone, or worst. I also think of killing myself in very graphic, and usually painful, ways. I don’t want to do these things, but they’re getting harder to ignore. I tried to bring this up to my parents, but they refuse to take me to see a therapist because “they’ll take me away and put me in a mental hospital.” I really don’t know what to do.
You are brave and courageous for talking about these very uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. The fact that you feel very uncomfortable about these thoughts is a good sign. It is really unfortunate that your parents are not understanding how difficult this is for you. I would ask them again, perhaps even show them this column, and see if they can set you up with a therapist. These thoughts can happen for a variety of reasons and getting to talk to a therapist is a good way to get to the bottom.
If your parents won’t help talk to your school guidance counselor. He or she is in a very good position to help. They have specialized training in helping young people through these difficult periods. You can also show them this column.
Wishing you patience and peace,