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I have no one to talk to

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I am a 19 year mother, i have a daughter who is 2 and im currently 4 months pregnant. I am with my baby on the way’s father, and he told me that we would live together and have this great life. Once we found out i was pregnant, he told me i couldn’t tell his parents till he was out of school, when he finished school, he said not to tell them till they got back from their cruise, and i can’t tell my parents because they told me they would kick me out. My dad always yells at me for dumb things, and when he gets upset at me he always says to get out and find somewhere else to live. I wish i could, but i have no one else. I dont have a job or go to school and i dont have a car or my liscense. I have been trying really hard to do all those things but no one wants to help me out. I get so upset because i was so happy to have this baby and everyday it seems like this happy moment is turning into a nightmare. I cry everyday because sometimes i feel like having this baby is the worst thing i ever could do, but its not the babys fault. I just need some advice on what i should do.

You’re right. It’s not the baby’s fault. Clearly you think you are old enough to be a mother (You even listed motherhood as your occupation.) so it’s time you started acting like one. Mothers protect their children and do what they need to do to take care of them. Your boyfriend isn’t interested in being a father or partner in raising your kids. Its not wise to depend on him to take care of things. He’s already shown that he isn’t going to do it. Nonetheless, it’s time he manned up and told his parents. If he won’t, you have a right to. His parents are the grandparents to your child. They may or may not offer a helping hand. Your parents have probably done all they feel they can. They have given you and your daughter a home but are so frustrated with you that they threaten to kick you out. All this adds up to the fact that you can’t afford to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You’re on your own. Loving your daughter and your baby means growing up and shouldering the responsibilities that go with the occupation of raising kids.

Visit your local social service agencies and find out how to establish a home for yourself and your children. Finish your education and get into some kind of job training program so you can support them. I did a search on the web and found Clare House. I don’t have personal experience with the agency so I can’t comment on their services but it does seem like a place to start. Here’s a description from their website:

Clare House transitional shelter serves homeless women and children by providing a temporary home in a caring environment, life-skills programs and aftercare support leading to self-sufficiency. The program not only gives women and children a safe place to stay, but also assists clients in overcoming the barriers that brought them to their current situation of homelessness. The program includes a 90-120 day stay, intensive case-management services, agency collaborations and aftercare support.

If your parents will let you stay, you may not need the shelter. But you absolutely do need the case management services. Case management will help you figure out how to get health care, housing, some temporary support, food stamps, fuel assistance, etc. and, most important, will help you make a plan for becoming self-sufficient. You have five months until the baby is born. You can do a great deal toward making a stable home for you and your children in that amount of time if you put your mind to it.

You made an important first step in writing to us here at LifeHelper. Now take the next one. Make an appointment with an agency and get started on making a future. Your children need you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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