From a teen in the U.S.: Lately (and right now) I’ve been having these moments where all I want to do is be alone and do nothing all day. I’m not necessarily sad unless somebody wants to do something with me or just talk which is sort of strange because I’m generally an open person. (For instance, if my family and friends all went on a week long vacation I would be a happy girl).
However, I do notice a mood change that is significantly darker than before. These feelings usually stick with me for a couple days and whenever any of my friends want to do something, I really just don’t want to because I’d rather be by myself. It’s not that I don’t appreciate them (because I do), it’s just that in these moments the only thing that makes me happy is myself.
During this time, I like to do things like go on Tumblr, watch Netflix, sing a little, sleep, and eat food. I’m usually too lazy to be up and doing stuff for more than 30 minutes at a time too. I’m starting to feel bad because these episodes or whatever they are, come at random times and I can’t control it. I sometimes even become mad at my best friend because she’s wondering why I’m not my happy self all the time. I’m genuinely confused as to what is wrong with me.
I’m also very anxious sometimes, but only about getting shot. I feel like I can never trust anybody (except the people I know). For example, I hate getting on elevators or any closed spaces with strangers because I feel like they’re going to whip out a gun and kill me on the spot. The same kind of fear happens when I’m walking down the street, sitting in a public place, taking the trolley, and the list goes on and on.
Have you by any chance tracked whether your feelings of depression are in any way correlated with your period? Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) causes a woman to have severe depression symptoms, irritability, and tension before menstruation. Once her period starts, the symptoms virtually disappear. I do suggest you find a mood tracker app and see if your symptoms are in line with your periods.
If that’s not it, then you need to see a counselor for an evaluation. I can’t go any further without more information than you could put in a letter.
As for the fears of getting shot: It’s hard to pay attention to the news and not get anxious, especially if you are a sensitive person. In your case, your anxieties are starting to develop into a phobia. For that reason, I again suggest that you see a counselor to help you learn some new skills for managing it.
I wish you well.