I lied about being sexually abused, I made up a fake story of a random person sexually abusing me when I was 12. In turn, my father has went crazy since I told my parents the lie three years ago. He has quit jobs and has completely shut down. I take so much blame for all of this. I started doing drugs and I became depressed and dropped out of high school before I told them the lie. My friends were told the lie first. It ate at me. Fortunately I have stopped abusing drugs, and I am in college but with my father going crazy I haven’t been doing to great in school. My self esteem is so low and I have developed horrible habits, it started getting the worst when I got into a romantic relationship. Being with a person for almost two years has seriously made me evaluate myself. And this image that I feel I potray. I feel like I am a terrible person. I admitted to the lie and everyone still accepts me but I dont accept it at all. I also obsess over horoscopes which deep down I know its a load of crap. I literately use a magic 8 ball online to answer questions about the future. If I will be able to be okay, if i am accepted, if my partner actually loves me. Its the worst when my partner and I are fighting. I have spent quite a bit of money on psychics and on readings online. I started to heavily believe in superstition which I know deep down isn’t real either. I have been to a therapist before but I wouldn’t let them actually know anything about the lie or the past. At that time I was still carrying out the lie. Before in the midst of all that I didnt have an obsession with horoscopes or magic 8 balls, I thought I knew what I was doing even though I was drinking and taking drugs around 15-17 Also my romantic relationship has taken all of my attention, I cant stay away and do everything I can to make it work. Everyone still seems to care about me but I really really really dont feel like I seriously deserve to be cared about. Honsetly the only thing that has kept me going is the romantic relationship. Help?
If everyone has forgiven you, then you must forgive yourself. Children are not held responsible for their actions because they are underdeveloped, immature and lack a sense of responsibility. That incident happened when you were 12 years old. You were only a child.
I’m curious about whether or not your parents sought psychological help for you after the incident. If not, they should have. Whatever motivated you to lie about sexual abuse should have been explored in counseling. Perhaps that’s why you continue to struggle, because you have yet to address this in counseling. The fact that you tried counseling but did not reveal key information to your therapist would also suggest that this problem has yet to be effectively addressed.
My recommendation is counseling. It’s imperative that you are as forthcoming as possible with your therapist. The more information you provide to your therapist, the more he or she can help. Counseling will not be effective if you hide the truth.
Another option to consider is family therapy. Your father continues to struggle with what happened so perhaps family therapy would help. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle