From a teen in Canada: I’m 15, my sister has many mental disorders, when i was 12 i was depressed, i’;m happy now. i’m overwhelmingly sexually attracted to girls. I’m quite dark, i like dark humor, im nice, im also a jerk. I never show anger publicly, on my own i scream silently at the smallest things. Im a huge movie fan, when i see a scene where my favorite character gets attention i freak out. i love it. it’s like a walking seizure. I have a lot of desires. one day i want to be a hero, the other a villain. im really selfish, im a bit of a hypochondriac but i love mental illness. i really want one. I like fire. not in a dangerous way. i try really hard to be a rebel. i feel like i have multiple personalities mixed into one. my views and opinions on things change weekly. i fall in love with girls as long as their beautiful and good girls.
i try to be a bad boy. I’ve always been friends with troublemakers and people in bad situations. i find everyday life extremely boring, i really want thrill. Im an attention hog but im also shy. I get mad easily but dont show it. everyday i care about school less. I like breaking rules but i want to be cop. im careless with money, im careless of my health. i do really stupid things that could hurt me. i have an obsession with my hair. im very greedy. im power hungry. i get into deep political and philosophical discussions.
i love writing, i write poetry, stories, and songs. i love dramatic music and intense songs. i always look like im high, and i like that. i like to have dominance over everyone. i dont think im a good person but i feel more important. i constantly do things over and over expecting different results but only getting the same. id consider myself an ambivert. im really active in gym but at home im lazy. i hate sleep. my parents get mad at me a lot because i dont listen. im obsessed with hallucinations and psychological stuff. i think schizophrenia is cool. im randomly sad. with friends my personality changes. i dont believe in god but i talk about him a lot. i want anwsers and diagnosisis but i dont wont these problems to dissapear.
I’m glad you like writing. You just wrote a beautiful and articulate description of the confusions and internal fights that teens go through. If you haven’t read Catcher in the Rye, I think you would find it confirming. The main character is also a basically good person who suffers from alienation and confusion as he tries to figure himself out.
I do have to wonder if part of what goes on with you has to do with your sister. Could it be that she gets most of your parents’ attention and concern because of her illness? Is it possible that some part of you thinks that the only way to get as much care is to be equally distressed? If so, I hope you can understand that this is a normal reaction. When one child in a family is troubled or sick or mentally ill, the others often feel like they get short changed. The parents are so worried and caught up with the ill child’s issues, they have little left to give to the others. It isn’t at all that they don’t love all their children. It’s just that they have to assume that the healthy kids are okay while they pour their resources into the sick one.
If that describes your family, it may be helpful to let your parents know that although you get it that you sister needs more, you do need them too. Maybe there is a way to get individual and special time with them.
I encourage you to take a writing course at some point to explore your talent.
I wish you well.