Hello! I don’t know what’s going on with me, but since a few months, I have been really enjoying looking at blood… I don’t know for sure when it started, but one evening I grabbed a pair of compasses and I stabbed the pointy end in my hand. I really enjoy looking at the way the blood pours out of the wound. I have done this several times in the past few months, but today was the worst one. I cut the skin on my arm open a few times with a scissor. I am afraid that one day myself wont be enough and that ill do it on somebody else… I have thought about cutting someone else’s skin, but I am too scared and I really don’t want to hurt anyone. I have also watched a YouTube video where a camel is being stabbed, and although I feel bad for the animal, I am fascinated by the amount of blood that’s coming out.
I don’t cut myself because I hate myself, just because I like seeing blood.
What is wrong with me? And do I need therapy? I am scared to talk to my family and friends about this because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m crazy…
As far as I know, I don’t have any other mental issues. (Sorry for my bad English, its not my first language) Thanks for helping me! (From the Netherlands.)
There are two things going on. The primary events weren’t just the sight blood — it is the sight of your blood as the result of a self-inflicted wound. This is important as the episode with the camel followed the self-inflictions.
The university in your hometown is one of the finest in the Netherlands, with a renowned medical facility. Use this nearby resource. I highly recommend you talk with your mom and dad about going there for an evaluation because you are hurting yourself in the process. There are various terms for being fascinated by the sight of blood, but these seem to be less related to your experience. The main thing is your self-harm.
The fact that this bothers you and you do not want to hurt others is important. I am very glad you wrote us here at Psych Central and encourage you to be brave and take the next step of asking your parents for help in getting an evaluation. They may not understand the reasons why you do this, but they will want to help.
Wishing you patience and peace,