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I Need Help/Advice

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: Married 18 years…separated 3 months due to his drug use and abusive behavior. I as well as he knew he would not be welcomed at my sisters home, which is where me and our 16 yr old daughter are now staying in one bedroom. He stopped by to drop off money for our daughter and to take her to store to get her some things for her new car. He asked if he could use my cell phone to call his phone company to activate his new phone…otherwise he would not have one. So as long as he was civil I could be too. I got his phone company on the phone and my sister started texting me at the same time stating he was not welcome and we could go elsewhere to talk if needed.

Well within the 8 minutes of me seeing and responding to her text which told her I was sorry I didn’t know he would be stopping by I’m gonna tell him to leave…she calls the cops and he of course gets an attitude with her and me and my daughter now have to find another place to live.

I don’t have any other family, a low paying job with no insurance and no money to take him to court yet for divorce. I just have really bad luck…too much to go into it all right now…but its just constant negativity and drama and with all thats going on I’m loosing my mind literally. Starting to think something is wrong with me mentally with the way everyone seems to treat me.

I use to always stand up for what I believed was right, but now I am doubting myself in all situations. I don’t have anyone to talk to to vent or anything. No medical insurance or money to see a therapist. Already on zoloft and lorezepam from my pcp. I cannot sleep ever, so always tired and weak feeling. I feel like everyone has turned on me or looks down on me for some reason and Im starting to wonder if its all in my mind or do I just happen to have really bad luck and negative people around me.

I was in nursing school at time of seperation and only had 2 semesters to go but had to leave due to physical abuse. Had to find a job to support myself and pay sister rent also. I have a 25 year old daughter pregnant with her 3rd child that constantly needs financial help..she is single!! I worry about all of them and my 16 yr old with me now. I need advice please. Somewhere to go or to talk to to let me know if its just me and Im crazy or am I really this unfortunate. Am I cursed.

As I said too much to go into everything here but its also alot of little things that add up. Like I have two teeth bothering me..no insurance or money..job I have now I only took to have some form of income as it took me forever just to find this one…so Im still looking. My car has been in and out of the shop for 3 months now and so has my daughters once. Then my sister…the only one I have unfortunately tells me to move cause my ex didnt leave fast enough…which was 8 min as I said from the time I read her first text to the time she ended up calling police cause he was not gone yet. 8 minutes!! I understand her not wanting him here … I really didn’t either but for our daughter I was civil. Then my sister tells me she cant do this (me being here) and that I have no respect for her by letting him come over. I didnt even know he was coming. I hadn’t heard from him in days. Just some advise please. Im so tired mentally and physically I dont know which way to go. Am I going crazy or not?

You are probably not crazy. You are stressed out. The only sense I can make of your sister’s behavior is that she discovered that she didn’t really want to have you there and used the visit by your husband as an excuse to ask you to go. You’re right. You do need help — far more than I can provide in a letter.

Please go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website at http://www.thehotline.org. Counselors are available 24/7 to talk to. There is also a live chat option. Ask for information about women’s shelters and free therapy in your area. They can probably help you find some local support and help. Everything is confidential.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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