Hello, it’s a quite pleasure to meet you. I’ve just recently realized that I think I may have a problem. It never struck me as odd before, yet it was so obvious. There are two different “me’s” besides the normal me. They are two extremes. There is the extremely obsessive and overly emotional one that I have nicknamed “Loony.” Then there is the emotionally empty, intellectual, and analytical one that is the “Bored” one.
“Loony” and “Bored” are the ones I switch between a lot. Loony often becomes unhealthily obsessed with things or people. They obsess about those things for a long time, thinking about nothing except for how perfect those things are and how inferior they are compared to that thing or person. They have an extreme inferiority complex, always harshly critical about themselves. But they aren’t depressed. They love the fact that they are tearing themselves apart and that those people/things are vastly more superior than them.
Bored is, well, extremely bored with all of their relationships and everything they do. Yet they go into intellectual debates a lot. They also collect data and information on all kinds of different subjects, just learning more and more for no real reason.
The thing that made me realize that I even switch between these two was something that I noticed. When I learnt that I had a UTI infection for basically eight years and that those things are able to kill people; I was extremely disturbed and worried, of course. But then later, I became completely indifferent to the information, not really caring what happens to me. After that, I became overjoyed by that information and openly embraced the idea of myself dying like that. It took me awhile, but I spotted the different reactions. Then I saw more differences pile up. I can’t control when the changes happen, they just happen and I get out of them when they want to end. I’m not “me” when I’m them. I’m not “awake,” I guess is the best way to put it.
Even my brother at one point told me that I “have no personality,” because mine changed so often. So, it’s not just me thinking this whole thing up and convincing myself that it’s real. It is real. I don’t really know what to do or what this is. Could you help me?
Thank you for reading.
The ”you” who wrote this letter is neither Loony nor Bored, yes? So how is that? The you that wrote this letter is a true self, an observing ego, the real you. Differences in thoughts and feelings — even when they have a wide range — are not necessarily separate selves. The fact that there is a “you” that knows about it, can discuss both completely, reflect and critique each, and desires change is the part of you that you want to develop. I recommend you ask your parents for some therapy sessions to help this process along.
Wishing you patience and peace,