I know I’m pretty young (only 16) but I believe I may have a personality disorder (these problems are recurring)
– I eat my skin compulsively. I sit for up to an hour just picking off skin and eating it, stopping when I feel sick. I’ve been doing this since I was 4.
– I’m incapable of trust. All of my “best friends” have commented this. Honestly… I don’t know why this is. The best reason I could think of is that I know that they’re not going to do anything to help. I’ve been like this since probably 6 years old. If I do open up to someone, I try to become indifferent about what I told them so it’s not a big deal anymore, and I also draw away from them.
– I’m convinced everyone hates me. I question everything people say, especially “friends”, and plan what I say very carefully in order to not offend anyone. Also since I was 6 years old. If I think a friend dislikes me, I stop liking them and villainize them.
– I’m arrogant yet have no self esteem at all. Probably because I hate myself for how arrogant I am. I hate myself for being fake and only caring about me. I know that I’m not deserving of anything I have because I’m just a fake. Nobody, not even my parents, know the real me. This has been a problem very recently. I know all of the good things about me and am OVERLY confident about them, yet emphasize my bad traits.
– Because of my arrogance, I always try to find a purpose of why I’m here, and have grand fantasies of how I’m going to be important to someone. I hope to be famous, because then I can reinvent this image of myself as likable and have people who care about me. Since I was 6.
– I need to be adored. I’ve always thought of what I’d be like to have a boyfriend who adored me, always. I’ve been told by people that I might even need one.
– I believe people are very easy to manipulate, and that there’s a formula to make people like you. Except I still fail at being likable to 90% of my class because I come off as awkward. Very recent discovery.
Thank you for writing to us. Your Dermatillomania / Skin Picking Disorder sounds like the first thing to take care of. It is often classified as an obsessive-compulsive disorder, and — as you will read in this fact sheet — there is some good treatment for this and you should talk to your parents about seeing a therapist.
As far as your other concerns the part of you that is observing your unwanted behaviors is the part that wrote us this email and wants to change. When you go to the therapist for the Dermatillomania / Skin Picking Disorder talk about these other concerns. Believe it or not they may actually be related and the therapist can help you sort it through or recommend you see someone who can help.
Wishing you patience and peace,